24: Alone in the Dust, pt4

"How the fuck am I supposed to do this?" I actually say aloud to myself at the edge of the Lotus. Music, bass, vibrating air is making my cape shimmer at my back. My ears are aghast at the decibel level. I'm woozy with beats. In front of me a massive purple and green dome pulses with music and the leaping, spinning throng of endless humanity. The place is packed and everyone is grooving. Topless women, barely dressed, men in thongs and vests, a chicken, a butterfly, arms and legs and booty shakin ridiculousness spreads in every direction before me. Up on the raised platform there is a whole other level of humanity. Eyes shut then open as hair swings and fingers flutter, I see the million tiny motions of these hundreds of people before me. And somewhere in there is my wife, or so he said. But I can't get in. I'm still on my bike so I have to park it, and then I take a loop around the outer edge, searching with every ounce of my soul. I make little grooving forays into the mix, but I'm getting bumped and prodded. My motions aren't synched with the dancers around me. They are all focusesd on the music and moving together. I'm just trying to get through. It's useless.

Too much, too much. Too hard to do it like this. She's here. Or nearby. If she was here when he last saw her, she might have gone elsewhere since, to see if I was around. The Green Gorilla Lounge is right next door. I walk on over there and there's a good sized party going on, but nothing like the size of Lotus. This is the kinda place I'm likely to find her. Maybe now that I'm out here close to her, almost there, I should just chill someplace obvious where she could find me, and then we wouldn't keep looping around looking for each other. 'Cause I know no matter what she's doing--and hopefully by now that's mainly having fun--a part of her is never going to stop looking until she finds me. All week we've kept our eyes peeled for Wags' bike. I know Lu's eyes are peeled right now hoping every single next new face is mine. So far, she's been disappointed every time. As have I.

I take a seat the lounge bar and they pour me a beer. I don't have a cup, but they happily refill my beer bottle. With a grin I step back and move to the outer edge of the bar area, where I can see the entrance to the dance area clear as day. She doesn't walk by. I converse with those nearby, trying not to talk about my dilemma, but eventually it always comes up. They all say the same thing. Have fun. She is. And they're right.

Suddenly I recognize a face. J-Bird! I race outside to grab him, giving him a big hug.

"DOOD! What's up! Yes! I found you!"

"Hey! Hey man! Hey where have you been?"

"Oh man, you don't even want to know. Have you seen Lu?"

"Yeah! She was looking for you! She's over there in Lotus, hey I'll take you over. First let me get a drink."

I'm ancy and bouncy and psyched and then finally he returns. We weave through the people and then into the mass at Lotus. In seconds I lose him, but I just keep moving around until finally I see Nell! She's with everyone else and I slide in with a big grin, knowing any second I'm gonna see my girl. My gaze moves from Nell to Stobe to Jodi, N-Dawg, Vann, on and on, all around, but not one of them is Lu. No Wags. No G. They're all three together, looking for me someplace else. I go to turn to Nell as she's dancing and then just behind our group of friends, flailing in the Lotus groove, I see him spinning, eyes closed. For a second I'm filled with rage, and then peace settles over me completely.

I realize at the moment I see Alan that I'm never going to find Lu tonight. That this is my night. This is my Burn and that if I'm going to have any fun at all, I've got to just chill the fuck out and get my groove on. Fucking Alan. Fucking A. I can find mother sucking Alan out here anytime I want, but I lose Lu once and she's gone forever.

The music thumps, and this time I'm in it. But even though I'm surrounded by Curvas friends, inside, I'm still alone.