19: The Great Boobiesneak

"Well that's just fucked up," Strobe said to all of us in general.

The world swirled around us. People strode by. Bathrooms were close so there was flux and movement. Above a plane cut across the sky with a long white, smokey tail behind it. The sun seared a sphere in the vast blue dome. Music pumped from within the party just thirty yards away.

"I can't believe they want to keep us out."

"I guess they figure with so many topless women the place would just be overrun if just anyone could get int," Lu offered.

"Totally," Nell agreed. "It's kinda cool that's it's all just for women," she said with a sly grin.

Lu's pursed lips belied her amusement too.

"Well we just have to get in there," Billy said, simply.

"Why, though?" I asked. "I mean what's the big deal? The place will probably be packed and I mean, this is fucking Burning Man! If they don't want us in there it's not like there's nothing else to do. Fuck that, ya know? Fuck'em. If they don't want us in there I'm sure there are tons of really fun shit to do on this fine Friday afternoon."

"Totally," Lu agreed. "There's so much other stuff to see!"

"Yeah, that's true," Strobe agreed. "But I don't know. It'd be fun to get in there."

Nell was silent behind her sunglasses. Billy didn't say anything either. Slowly, the five of us moved away from the portapotties and drifted up the street, past the entrance again. Both of the girls looked in longingly. Annoyance from earlier in the day flashed through me.

"That's just bullshit elitism, is what it is," I said. "I thought this was supposed to be like everyone participating and about community and openess and all that shit. And we come here to hang at the Critical Tits after-party and they won't even let us in? Bullshit. If they don't want us there, I don't want to go."

"See that's the thing," Strobe said laughing. "I wanted to go before, but now that they won't let us in, I *really* want to find a way in there."

"Totally!" Billy replied and the rest of of laughed. We stopped again.

"Yeah I see that," I agreed. "But I dunno. They're not gonna let us in."

"True," Billy agreed. "I guess we could find something else to do."

Topless woman rode by, parked their bikes and strolled into the party. A horde of people were gathered around the entrance, but only women were making it through to the party within. A black, mesh fence was attached to either side of the entrance and it wrapped around in either direction, keeping the party separated from the rest of Burning Man. Cars and trucks were pulled tight against the barrier, making it even more difficult to find an alternative way in. Idly, Billy wandered, continuing around the edge of the fence and then around the corner out of sight. Strobe trailed behind him ten steps back. Lu and Nell and I just chilled as indecision ruled the afternoon. In seconds the guys were back, mischief in their grins.

"Come'on," Billy said. "I found a spot, we can totally sneak in!"

"Oh, I don't know," I said, shaking the idea off. "I mean..."

"What? What'll happen? Are they going to kick you out of Burning Man? No way. Come'on Bones, what's the big deal? Let's just give it a try."

I'm a wuss is the thing. I'll jump out of an airplane, spin my brain with hallucinogens, go swimming in the ocean at midnight, naked. I'll stand at the edge of a cliff or leap into water below, I'll hold tarantulas, feed snakes, eat bugs, but only when it's safe. Before leaping into the water I would swim out to the landing area and plumb the depths for rocks or roots or shallow spots. Out the plane I have a parachute and instructor I trusted. And I know the ocean isn't nearly as dangerous as the roads and highways I travel all the time. But when it comes to shit like this, sneaking in, pilfering, lying, cheating, it just knots me up inside and I simply cannot make myself give over to small thrill that comes with breaking petty rules. And this one was petty indeed.

"Sounds good!" Lu agreed. "You guys go sneak in and we'll walk in and then we'll meet you in there."

"But--" I started until Lu cut me off.

"Oh chill out, it's fine. Just go with them! I'll see you inside," and she was gone, off grinning with Nell.

"Bones, come'on you fucking pansy. Let's sneak into this boobiefest!" Strobe admonished me and then he followed Billy's lead. I came along behind them, slower, ruminating.

We walked around, kind of out of sight, very close to the fence. Billy stopped and indicated an area up ahead where the plastic fence was unattached at the bottom. Beyond it, inside, the back edge of two tents nearly butted up against each other. It really was a perfect spot for sneaking in, I had to give him that.

Strobe moved quickly towards the gap, ducked under and was inside. Billy was a couple of steps behind him. I waited a moment to see how their attempt went as they both disappeared out of sight within. And there time grew loose.

I have always been facinated with the phenomenon of time. It encompasses us. We live it, experience it, know it well in the frustrating minutes of boredom in traffic or in the rapid hours of joy as a party tears through the night. How when rushed, it grows dense, unrelenting, vanishing. How when lazy the hours lose their way back up the numbers to twelve. Out here we've been without clocks for days, but the press of future becoming now and then falling into the past's imperfect memory revealed the true superflousness of tracking minutes. Clocks are but a feeble attempt to capture one of the greatest mysteries of the universe, almost a mockery of the enormous, powerful, underlying force that drags us kicking and screaming from birth to youth to wisdom to death. It never stops. It never vanishes, yet it can never been seen, touched, smelled or corralled. Pictures are a pale substitute for a living moment. Memories are but the ghosts of experience. And it is possible to think a million and one things in the span of a moment, because sometimes a moment can leap the bounds of normalcy and spread out into a vast pool of living, breathing, happening, now.

As my I placed one Croc covered foot before the other my mind raced with possibilities, and the current of that racing thought charged time, expanding it. They're in I'm going here we go sneak in no big deal but if I get caught how will Lulu know? The walkie-talkies are gone we have no place to meet and I could be just stuck out here until she figures out that I couldn't get in. But my hand is on the fence and I'm moving fast. Stealthy in broad daylight. I don't look around. I don't go furtive. I'm butter melting through. I'm supposed to be here, doing this. I belong I belong I belong as I duck under and twitch my body through with a quick squat and I spin forward underneath. Up on two feet I'm in but not past the white tents yet. Still definitely on the edge of shadiness so close to border between Critical Tits and the rest of the world. I'm in I'm in, we're good I'm thinking when suddenly I saw Strobe.

He was just a bit ahead of me, at the edge of the tent. There was a guy talking to him who was about the same age as us. Thirty-ish, maybe a bit younger. The guy was wearing shorts, a hat, sunglasses and there was a laminated card hung on a laynard around his neck. Clearly a discussion of some kind was going on. Without a thought, I walked past them, willing myself to bend lightrays around my form so when this dude looked at me, all he would see are the painted boobies and hot bodies of the women behind me. Eyes averted behind my shades, hands in pockets, I walked by them, nonchalantly. Quickly, I melded into the crowd and hid a large sigh of relief. I was still worried about Strobe getting busted and figuring out where in this boobie heaven my wife has vanished to but Billy found me fast.

"Nice dood! That was awesome! They didn't even see us!" he said, too loudly for my taste. Even though we were in, I wasn't thrilled about rolling this party without a pass. I figured it was just a matter of time before someone running this show saw that we were unlicensed attendees and booted us the hell out of there.

"Yeah that was pretty smooth," I agreed. "But I think they nabbed Strobe. He was talking to some guy when I slipped past them."

"Saw that," Billy replied. "If we can't find him in a bit we'll have one of the girls go out there and see if he's around. Course we gotta find the girls, too!"

The place was large. Larger than it seemed from the outside. There were various tents around the edges with various luxuries for women, and there was a shade tent in the center of the open area that was packed with topless women. There were hundreds of them all around. All beautiful in their own way, and some in that incredible that truly special way. Music blasted over the din and people squirmed and shimmied and sucked face and jiggled. Hands on skin. Paint on skin. Sun on skin. Eyes on skin from behind my sunglasses as I searched the crowd for my baby, thoroughly enjoying the sights as my gaze flicked past nipple rings, paired yellow sunflowers, abstract creations of swelled color, sunbursts, sparkles, pink pasties, and some au natural, covered only with a tan, a thin sheen of sweat, and the fine dust of playa. Around the far side of the center shade area I found Nell and Lu.

"You made it!" Lu said with delight as she gave me a kiss and a hug.

"Where's the rest of the guys?" Nell asked, searching over my shoulder.

"Billy was right behind me, I thought he was here. Strobe got caught on the way in. I saw him talking to some guy as we slipped by."

"Oh no way!" Lu commiserated.

"Totally--"

"Wait there they are," Nell exclaimed, pointing. In seconds they had joined us, their smiles huge.

"What happened?" Lu asked him.

"Well," Strobe started, "I had made it past the fence and was just about to step out past the tent when this guy came up to me and was like, hey, where's your pass? And I said, it's right here, and I showed him this," Strobe said, holding up the tiny laminated Curvas Peligrosas tag J-Bird had handed out the other day. "He was all, um, that doesn't look like a Critical Tits pass and I was like oh wait, I must have it some where. I thought this was it, but he wasn't buying it so then I just said man, dude, what's the big deal. I'm harmless. I just want to hang out with my girl for a little while and then I'll be on my way. Just cut me some slack man, I mean, what's the big deal? And then he thought for a second and then he was like fine, whatever, and he walked away."

"Sweet!"

"Nice work!"

Nell gave him a hug and I gave him knuckles. "I saw him talking to you and I didn't know what to do so I just kept walking and it was like he didn't even see me! You went first and then Billy went by and then I did and he didn't even stop the two of us! Nice diversion man! That was fucking sweet." It was fun sneaking around! They were right. God I'm such a wuss. That was so fucking easy, and it was damn good to be inside.

We walked around then found a good spot to chill. Nearby there was a bald, naked, older man, painted completely silver. He had a crazy looking camera with him and he had a big smile on his face. There was something peaceful about him, but also dynamic and active. He was standing near this short wall with eyeholes cut out in it. A bunch of women were going from hole to hole, peering in. Lu went over and then she turned around with her eyes wide.

"This is amazing, Bones come look!" I went over and looked in after waiting a bit for some space to free up. There were a lot of people checking it out. I leaned close and peered in. Before me was a woman with large, perky breasts painted purple with wildflowers bursting across her curves. Her nipples stood out proudly and the curves of her breasts were lush with depth. I could see the hollows of her eyes, the jut of her nose and the rounded shelf of her chin out above her neck. The next was another woman, but the photo was just as unique and stunning. They were pictures in three dimensions, and of such good quality and detail that it took the breath away. I had never seen photos like this, and it wasn't just the gorgeous subject matter. He used a special camera that he had created. Two lenses and the technology blended so that he was able to take these incredible photographs. I looked at every one and I was amazed. "Every freaking picture in the world should look like this!" I said aloud. Everyone around me agreed.

We chilled there for a while, chatting with the photographer and meeting new friends in the sunny afternoon. It's amazing how easy it is to become used to everyone being topless. I chatted with a woman for a good fifteen minutes and didn't even think to think about the fact that she wasn't wearing a thing above her shorts. It really just wasn't that big a deal.

The funniest thing of all were the Monkey Butlers. Men strolled around the party carrying plates of fruit with a cup of melted chocolate, nuts, drinks. But it was only for the women. I saw Billy reach for one treat and but the guy offering quickly pulled it out of his reach. Lu and Nell got some free yummy drinks and we all stood around grooving, hanging, chilling out as some guy got up on top of a truck and nearly took it all off much to the delight of these rowdy ladies.

Then time shifted, moved on, changed hues. The day was getting old and night approached from the east. I couldn't tell how long we were at the Critical Tits party, but as a group it became clear that we were all ready to go. Our missions had been accomplished, all of them. We'd found the parade. We'd found the party. We'd snuck in, hung out, had a blast and now it was time to go back to Curvas, reload, eat up and get ready for the night.

It was Friday night, baby, but out there on the playa the names of days meant nothing. The only names for what was to come could only be: Mayhem. Madness. Beauty. Fun. The only thing we wanted to do was everything, and all of it was ours for the taking. All we had to do was want it and any of our desires could be met.

Cities like this are a rare thing. And of all the cities even close to this one, Black Rock was the only one that toyed with time, that demanded fealty from that fickle force. Whereas Amsterdam and New Orleans and NYC and Berlin and San Fran and Tokyo and Sydney are ever victims of time's slow grind, here in Black Rock City, time is tamed, laid out static as the map to our world and then denied the creep of it's slow power by embracing the transitory nature of all things in this universe. Black Rock City never gets old because it kills itself before Time can. And like the fire that will consume The Man tomorrow night, the only way it can live is through the fuel of our imagination, the breath of our desire, the spark of our love and in enough space to let those mingle and then conflagurate into a shimmering cacaphony of life and creation that burns only once a year and then vanishes into the dusty memory of the the desert

Tonight was The Man's last night to live. And together--us, the city, the night, the wind, the burning stars, the artcars, the bikes, the desert visions, Dicky in his cube, Time itself--together we were going to throw The Man one final bash that will make our memories quiver every time we dare to step out onto the playa that will forever live in each of our minds.

We rode back lazy, and the sun's golden set thrilled all.