18: The Great Boobie Hunt

There's a gap here. There's no other way to explain it. We were watching the paintjobs being applied and then later it was time to go out and find the parade we'd missed. It could be us getting our shit together at camp and then heading out. It could be people at the bathroom. Maybe a quick late lunch, or some waiting for others to get back. Perhaps shots at the Curvas Peligrosas Bar or someone telling a story or maybe a moment of chillbliss on the couch as we lay into the afternoon. But the boobies went and we didn't go. I'm really not sure what exactly went on during this time, just that we were around camp for a while doing stuff and then it was time to go. But of course we weren't ready.

After much rummaging and readying, we hopped onto our bikes. We were getting good at this by now. Knew how to put the foot in and launch the leg over at a running start to get moving down the dusty way. This was our neighborhood now. Burnished gold blazing down with a blue sky all around and the soft tan dust. Tents, cars, domes, flags structures all around strapped to cars and set with tentstaked ropes. You had cover the rebar. At night those metal prongs holding the tent down could cause a nasty fall. But in the day light of Friday afternoon the City was huge. I could feel it thumping in every direction. I knew the world out there, now. I'd see it a few different ways: the midnight glowstick firebreathing deepdark starrynight bicycle jam; the flying colors and wide wind of the crazy afternoons; lazy mornings; long dawns; sunsets. And sure we'd danced, but not nearly as much as we could have. There were so many domes of ridiculousness out there on the Esplanade it made me ashamed to spend any time in the camp. But the camp was fun.

I know I'm having a really good time whenever I have to choose between things I'm gonna love. Out on the playa it was a full-blown, windy wonderful Friday afternoon. Even in a timeless city like Black Rock there's something special about Friday afternoon. It's the practice run for the Burn night and everyone's got to bring their A-game. Critial Tits is today and we are on the fucking way!

Chaos ensues. The Esplanade is thick with uni-bi-tri-and multi cyles. Muffins on wheels ride by. A dude in a barkalounger blasts between us cackling. I'm certain I saw a bottle of Makers in his other hand. Where the loungelever usually lived was the throttle. A bus-sized space shuttled rolled by, proud. Lawnmower engines and gocarts were dressed to the nines and the whacked out operators buzzed through the crowd spitting up dust and mayhem. I wore my dustmask and goggles, of course. I never left the camp without either of them. Ever.

"Hey! There's an advice booth! Let's see if he knows where the parade went."

A dude in an elvis jumpsuit sat behind a simple booth and sign. Peanuts Lucy style. But his was free, not five cents. Even though he was already talking to someone, we politely interrupted to request some advice.

I wasn't a part of this. I did donuts with the red devil that was my bike as my friends asked the questions. That Friday afternoon my friends were: Lu my wife; Strobe my new friend from camp, Nell, his girlfriend and Billy their buddy. The five of us surrounded the Advice booth on our bikes and got some.

"That way," the dude pointed, towards two oclock. "The came up the four oclock spoke and took a right on the Esplanade towards two oclock. Go that way," he said to Strobe with a wink.

"Cool!" said Lu, "this way Bones!" and we were off.

They weren't up ahead but we heard they took a right back into the suburbs so we cut down that way and then went two blocks over riding hard through the afternoon. All five of us pedaling into the day as the sun's just really getting into the deep afternoon groove and I am perfect with the world. Lu has her bike back and we are good to go. It's amazing what a whole hell of a lot of water, a few puffs of the pipe, a beer here and there and then a whole mess of women parading through the day decorated gorgeously can do.

We take a left and then a right and we see a mess of people ahead.

"This way!" Billy calls out.

There's a crowd around the edge of the playadust road. Women are marching and riding and striding by. They are topless. They have applied paint to their mammary glands and everyone's really psyched about it. They are too. It just feels fun and happy and loose and true. Like tit's good for us. We're all grinning and cheering together as they march by proudly, their breasts cultivated and captured and caressed with pigments and shades, filled with light by the bright yellow sun above and the rapture of our collective goofy gaze. They deserve our hoots and shouts of joy. They revel. Half oogle half worship half protest half hope and happiness. It was just nice and funny and beautiful and loud. It was fun and edgy and easy. Once they all passed by the crowd began to disperse and follow on, so we grabbed our bikes to see where else tit went.

"There's an after-party," Nell said over her shoulder as we rode.

"Yeah that's right," Strobe agreed. "We should go check that out."

"Definitely," Billy agreed from behind the bandana covering his mouth. "Definitely."

Lu looked at me with a question and I gave a chucklenod. We both had little grins. And so we rode.

We couldn't find it. We tried to loop around ahead and then cut in from the side, but there was no party. Eventually we ended up back by the Advice Guy and he pointed us towards the two oclock edge of the camp. We dove back into the streets and spokes, turning, searching, looking all around. Finally we saw a few topless women.

"Follow the trail back!" I shouted and we aimed for where the women were coming from. Eventually we ended up just a few blocks away from Curvas.

"Figures it's right around the corner," Lu said to me as we rode up.

We parked our bikes and then walked up to the party area. There were people everywhere and tons of topless, painted, sweaty women. Bikes everywhere. Just mayhem in the dusty afternoon. We walked up to the entrance to the party and suddenly we were stopped. The girls and Strobe all turned around and we followed them out of the crowd.

"They said we can't get in," Nell told us. "Well, I mean you guys can't get in. We can, you can't."

"What?" I asked. "What the fuck?"

"Yeah it's only for guys that have volunteered," Lu told us, looking up from her eyes.

"They said the volunteer list was filled months ago," Nell finished.

"The volunteer list for guys, for the Critital Tits after-party? It filled up months ago?" Billy asked, amazed.

The girls just nodded. We stood there dumbfounded in the dust.