22: Texas and Beyond

In the bar called Texas a bunch of us roamed. G, Wags, N-Dawg, Nell, Strobe, Vann, Billy, Lu and I sidled up to the bar and went about trying to get some drinks. There were a lot of people in the large, spacious area and a whole bunch of small tables, chairs and couches. At least twenty five people were chilling in various parts of the camp, and there were even more at the bar. Two big guys were serving drinks and it was clear that they weren't just serving them to the customers. Already well stocked with bottles I'd grabbed for what I thought was going to be a long ride clear across the playa on the artcar, I really didn't need to order anything from the 'tenders. After looking around a bit, I saw the tractor trailer that they'd hauled all this stuff in with. A ladder was set up against its side, so with grins, Lu and I headed towards it.

"I don' t know," Lu said to me as she looked skeptically at the tall, metal ladder.

"Here, Vann, you go up first, then you Lu, and and I'll be right behind you practically hugging you all the way up. It'll be totally safe."

"I don't know," she repeated, but Vann was already moving up and I rustled Lu into place.

"Come'on! Go for it. I'm right here."

She started to climb, slowly, and I hung in there right behind her. At the top I could see the ladder was firmly bolted to the top of the truck, but the thin railing around the top edge was really nothing more than decoration. We definitely had to be careful. And the truck's top wasn't flat. It was corrogated metal just ripe for a spill or an ankletwister. Careful indeed.

The view was amazing. Our camp was right there, just one road back, and I could see the bike lot that was forming, once again, at the front edge of Curvas Peligrosas. In every other direction except for behind us where Curvas was, Black Rock City sprawled. The Man turned at its center, his arms raised in triumph. Today was His day, and tonight He was ours.

"That was so funny with the artbus!" Nell said to me as she plopped down next to me on the roof.

"First one we've been on!"

"Really! We went on a few of them last year, but this was the first ride this year."

"How many times have you been?"

"This is number five. I said last year that I wasn't going this year 'cause I'd already been so many times, but when it came around to it I just couldn't miss it."

"Which was the best?" I asked her.

She thought for a moment before responding. "First time. Well, no, second time. Yeah the second time. The first time just blew me away, you know? I had never been to anything like this and with all the art and the crazy cars and everyone dressed up, it was just the biggest, most ridiculous party I had ever been too. And I knew I had to come back. But the second year, the second year it was still all new and exciting, but I knew my way around a little better and I was better prepared and our camp was a little better, so it all just worked together knowing what I knew and still finding new stuff. I mean it's been incredible every year, this one too, but the first and second times really stand out. What about you?"

"First time. Lu, too."

"No! I thought you guys had been here a bunch of times! You guys seem to know your way around. Huh!"

"Well thanks!" I replied smiling, "that's nice of you to say. We've been to a lot of Phish festivals and big music festivals, stuff like that, so we are kinda familiar with this sorta thing, plus we got great tips from Wags. She totally laid it out for us and we just did exactly what she said. But yeah, I kinda feel like I was born out here. It just feels right. We are having the absolute best fucking time ever! WOOOOO!!!" I shouted out over the tentscape as Nell laughed. "But that artcar ride was too silly! We barely even got to go anywhere," I finished.

"I know! It lasted like fifteen minutes. But it was pretty funny how everyone dashed from the camp and came running jumping on."

"I went up top and it was kinda scary up there. You could tell the thing was barely holding together."

"I think a few of them had been on that car a long time. They were wasted!"

"Yeah, and the driver definitely had a wobble to him when he stepped out. I offered him a beer but he was like 'No way man I don't want that sierra crap. Too heavy. I need me some nice light beer' and then he hefted his can of Bud Light! I can't believe he turned down a beer!"

"God what a jerk!"

"Hey, more for us."

And I did have plenty. I'd spread a few beers around when up in the art car, and I did the same up there on top of the semi. Seemed logical as I was having another myself. Nell declined, her cup already full.

Crystal clear blue above. Not even a trace of a cloud. The sun was a living beast of unimagiable heat. For it to burn so far away, for its photons to live in the vaccums of space and time before striking me, and yet to burn so thoroughly every moment I stand in its light, it is truly amazing. I loved that the flame lit at the opening of Black Rock City was drawn through glass and focused into life from the rays of the sun. That flame that has burned all week would light the Man tonight, and the captured, slowed energy in wood grown in trees that had been used to build Him would be returned to the universe in kinetic light and heat, from whence it came. I sucked in the sun from every bare pore of skin and I gazed around our neighborhood, standing buzzed above and I knew it to be good. Then in the distance, out beyond the Man, the dust stirred. Just a rustle of particles far far away. But the low cloud grew and billowed, then soared, zooming past the Man, cutting across the playa a huge wall of white that consumed everything in its path. It roared with the breath of the earth, a wind from far away scooping up the silty ground we walked and rode on, and swirling it up into the air and over everything. Tents, domes, bikes, cars all vanished as it blew in, closer getting closer until it blasted over us, stinging us with particles and covering the world in white. "Dust storm!" I shouted and got sand in my mouth.

We hung on the roof of the semi for a while after that and then when drinks got low we decided to move on. Going down the ladder was a little hairy, since we were at least forty feet above the ground, but I kept Lu close and we all made it down safe. Out the front door of Texas there were many interesting options. To our a left there was a cage, and within that cage was a woman who was being lightly spanked by rotund man wearing spiked leather shorts and and open vest. She had a bikini top and shorts on and both of them wore big smiles. Another guy was checking out some instruments on the table, he was also inside the cage, and while another woman watched from outside, hanging onto the bars. The cage was large. The woman inside was manacled standing up and the spiked, rotund man was using a small paddle lightly on her behind. The group of us strolled towards them.

"You see, the key is to do it softly. That way it's fun. It's playful, and then maybe every now and then a little-" then a snap! -"harder. But just a little. Here, try," and he handed off the paddle. N-Dawg opened the door of the cage and then looked back at us with a crazy grin.

In the camp to our right some music started up.

Inside the cage Strobe had followed and the two of them were checking out the instruments on the table. The rotund spikey guy gave a few more instructions to the people all chained up and then Strobe convinced Nell to slip into the cuffs.

In the camp to our right the music got louder and then a woman stepped out from one of the tents and then up onto the pole in the middle of the camp. A few other people strolled out and sat down. She started pole dancing in the sun and the music pumped hard. Up the pole and then around and then her top came off. An upside down split led to a headfirst shimmy down to swivel around before rising up slow. Then she took a bow and strode off stage. Near the tents she and an older woman started talking as she took a sip of water.

"I think she was getting a pole-dance lesson," I said to Lu.

"Really?"

"Yeah that woman is like giving her tips or something. That's so funny!"

Meanwhile, inside the cage, Strobe was running what looked like a tiny, spikey, dull pizza-cutter up the middle of Nell's back. She squirmed with tickle.

"No, too hard," the rotund instructor admonished. "Like this. You don't want her to feel it, yet. You can only do it that hard at the very end, or else there is no fun."

I left Lu laughing at their caged silliness to see what was on the other side of Texas. I thought I remembered sign that said Lapdances, and I was right. But just as I got close, Billy was coming out.

"They're closed. And it's weird, it's like they give lessons. It's not like just lapdances or something."

"Really. Interesting." Lu had to hear about this!

Strobe and Nell were just exiting the cage and I told Lu about the lapdance lessons as we walked back to the camp. Refills were needed desperately and everyone wanted to chill for a bit. I got involved in another disasterous game of beer pong and some people rolled up with these craftboxes that Lu immediately latched on to. In no time she had made three beaded necklaces and was handing them out to friends in the camp. The craft people just rolled around with their stuff offering it up for anyone to create anything they wanted. It was awesome to see so many humans just giving things away with a smile. I'm used to sharing with friends, and the Phish lots tended towards the generous, helpful side. But this was on a whole other level. People relished in the opportunity to give and it was so much fun to be a part of.

A final toss that I missed meant I had lost, once again, but then Mish and Siv appeared and all morose thoughts of bad beer ponging were lost with the surprise of their presence.

"Yay!!" I shouted as they rolled up to camp and ditched their bikes.

"Here!" Siv said to me with a big grin and then a pulled a green freezerpop from the cooler they'd brought along.

"Yes!" I replied. Sweet frozen deliciousness. "This is exactly what I need right now! Beer?"

"Please!"

"Mish too?"

"Definitely"

I handed them off to him and then I said, "So I've been thinking about the Hookah Dome. I want to check that out."

"Sounds great!" Siv replied.

"Excellent. I'll rally the troops and we'll roll!"

It took us forever to get out of camp. There was so much to do! Hats and goggles and beers and water. The same thing over and over again, but it was essential to life on the playa. Lu loaded her basket. I strapped the cooler onto my back bike rack and filled a Nalgene with water, after guzzling two whole other refills first, of course. For the first time ever I asked Lu for some chapstick. I never used the stuff. You can get addicted to that crap and end up with lips all sore and sickly whenever you don't wear it. But out there, I needed it. Lotion, too, on feet and hands every damn day. The sun was a brutal, relentless master. We worshipped it with water and lotion and shade and sweat. We sighed when we spun out of its rays at the end of every day.

Back on bikes, the afternoon was a whirlwind. We got a good sized group together and headed out for some fun. First to the Hookah Dome, where there was, of course, a line once again. But this time I decided to see if I could do something about it. I went up to the guy working the door and I asked him if he knew Joey. Joey was my upstairs neighbor and had left days early to set up the Hookah Dome. I knew he was in deep.

"Hang on, " he replied to me and then called over another guy. That guy went running around the back and then a few seconds later Joey's girlfriend Jennie appeared with a grin. And then we pulled the old dwarf trick from the The Hobbit. First it seems like it's just us, but Lu had Mish with her, and she was with Nell and then the next thing you know there's seven of us snaking in the back way with Jenny at the head, and we're going to find Joey. Through the kitchen in the back and then through the Dome's back door we emerged into a cool, quiet space. Hookas smoked from amid pillows and languid humans. There were plants and fabrics and the light was soft and cool. We found Joey kicking back and he was psyched to see us. Our presence was a surprise. We had decided to go to Burning Man after he had already left. He put some more yummy tobacco in the hookah and then we all passed the tubes around. The relaxation was endless. But our time wasn't.

Another friend was playing music, so after a chill respite in the Hookah Dome we rode on. Trampolines had to be jumped on every time we passed them. At one point there were two trampolines next to each other, so a deadly game of multi-jump ensued. Hilarity echoed across the playa. We passed an installation out on the playa, and as Lu was taking a picture of it, we realized there was a couple in there having sex. Eyes and mouths opened wide in surprise, we hid our giggles and rode on. I watched G weave through a huge metal horseshoe out on the playa. He deftly maneuvered his bike through the thin passage between. Lu got inspired and followed his lead, but she cut it too tight. I heard her say "Oh no!" and then she was down. Luckily she didn't crack her head, but she did get a nice scrape on her arm where she clipped the metal. At first I was nothing but worried, but after I ran to her and saw she was okay, it was tough not to laugh. She chuckled, too! Finally we found Tok playing his trumpet, but we weren't there long before his set was over. Time was slipping away! The last day was vanishing fast! Mish and Siv peeled off to find home and dinner and get ready for the night. We rode on and found a dome-full of hammocks.

"Holy shit," I said as we rode up. There were seventy, ninety, maybe a hundred hammocks strung up in the dome. We fell to them eagerly, trying out a few before settling on the ones that fit us best. But I was riled up! I started pushing Lu, making her swing, and then I got the idea I could make everyone swing at the same time and then I started jumping over them as they swung high and low. Their screeches made me cackle, but it wasn't as nearly dangerous as I made it sound. Then suddenly it was time to go so they got up and we cruised off, and it wasn't until a good twenty minutes later that I realized I had lost my hat. Gone. Off my head jumping or riding or somewhere I had lost it, and there was no time now to go back and look for it. I had a vision of my hat leaving my head, and the second it was gone vanishing completely without even a pop. And then somewhere, sodden, I knew it would wash ashore on a debris strew street of New Orleans, cosmically returned to the city that it sprung from to shade a weary head when the waters had dried.

We found another bar and sat down for another drink, but then the topic of food came up and the guy running the place insisted that we come around back and have a bite to eat. He cooked up a batch of spaghetti and served a caesar salad on the side. I thanked him profusely as the five of us feasted. We offered beers and bud in return, but he would have none of it. In the end, he did let me smoke him up, but only if I'd puff with him. He didn't want anything given in return. I was fine with that 'cause a post-dinner puff was just the thing I was looking for, too. But it was getting dark. Time was running short. The sun lowered towards the horizon and we were back on our bikes, full, weaving through the suburbs on the other side from our camp. There was a ways to go and we had to get moving because we knew it was going to take a while to get ready before heading out for the final night of this madness called Burning Man. Everything was coming up Milhouse. Everything we wanted or needed was being delivered to us directly, as though through the intervention of some divine, perfect being. In my delightful, drunken state I was certain the Man had something to do with it. All that we'd given all week to friends and strangers was being returned tenfold. And now all we had to do was ride out the flames that would consume the Man, and let the rest of the night roll on up to us, roll on over to its back, and let us scratch its cosmic belly. Life was good, and it was only getting better.