24: Alone in the Dust, pt4

"How the fuck am I supposed to do this?" I actually say aloud to myself at the edge of the Lotus. Music, bass, vibrating air is making my cape shimmer at my back. My ears are aghast at the decibel level. I'm woozy with beats. In front of me a massive purple and green dome pulses with music and the leaping, spinning throng of endless humanity. The place is packed and everyone is grooving. Topless women, barely dressed, men in thongs and vests, a chicken, a butterfly, arms and legs and booty shakin ridiculousness spreads in every direction before me. Up on the raised platform there is a whole other level of humanity. Eyes shut then open as hair swings and fingers flutter, I see the million tiny motions of these hundreds of people before me. And somewhere in there is my wife, or so he said. But I can't get in. I'm still on my bike so I have to park it, and then I take a loop around the outer edge, searching with every ounce of my soul. I make little grooving forays into the mix, but I'm getting bumped and prodded. My motions aren't synched with the dancers around me. They are all focusesd on the music and moving together. I'm just trying to get through. It's useless.

Too much, too much. Too hard to do it like this. She's here. Or nearby. If she was here when he last saw her, she might have gone elsewhere since, to see if I was around. The Green Gorilla Lounge is right next door. I walk on over there and there's a good sized party going on, but nothing like the size of Lotus. This is the kinda place I'm likely to find her. Maybe now that I'm out here close to her, almost there, I should just chill someplace obvious where she could find me, and then we wouldn't keep looping around looking for each other. 'Cause I know no matter what she's doing--and hopefully by now that's mainly having fun--a part of her is never going to stop looking until she finds me. All week we've kept our eyes peeled for Wags' bike. I know Lu's eyes are peeled right now hoping every single next new face is mine. So far, she's been disappointed every time. As have I.

I take a seat the lounge bar and they pour me a beer. I don't have a cup, but they happily refill my beer bottle. With a grin I step back and move to the outer edge of the bar area, where I can see the entrance to the dance area clear as day. She doesn't walk by. I converse with those nearby, trying not to talk about my dilemma, but eventually it always comes up. They all say the same thing. Have fun. She is. And they're right.

Suddenly I recognize a face. J-Bird! I race outside to grab him, giving him a big hug.

"DOOD! What's up! Yes! I found you!"

"Hey! Hey man! Hey where have you been?"

"Oh man, you don't even want to know. Have you seen Lu?"

"Yeah! She was looking for you! She's over there in Lotus, hey I'll take you over. First let me get a drink."

I'm ancy and bouncy and psyched and then finally he returns. We weave through the people and then into the mass at Lotus. In seconds I lose him, but I just keep moving around until finally I see Nell! She's with everyone else and I slide in with a big grin, knowing any second I'm gonna see my girl. My gaze moves from Nell to Stobe to Jodi, N-Dawg, Vann, on and on, all around, but not one of them is Lu. No Wags. No G. They're all three together, looking for me someplace else. I go to turn to Nell as she's dancing and then just behind our group of friends, flailing in the Lotus groove, I see him spinning, eyes closed. For a second I'm filled with rage, and then peace settles over me completely.

I realize at the moment I see Alan that I'm never going to find Lu tonight. That this is my night. This is my Burn and that if I'm going to have any fun at all, I've got to just chill the fuck out and get my groove on. Fucking Alan. Fucking A. I can find mother sucking Alan out here anytime I want, but I lose Lu once and she's gone forever.

The music thumps, and this time I'm in it. But even though I'm surrounded by Curvas friends, inside, I'm still alone.

23: The Burn

Curvas Peligrosas emptied into the night. We rolled together left out of the camp, then hung a right up the 4:30 spoke, once again passing the Roller Disco I'd never played in. At a bar on our left people whooped and chattered. The night the night the night was here! "WOOOOHOOOOO!" I shouted over my handlebars and my glowing friends in the dark replied with laughter. There was a stream of humanity emptying from tents and wheeling to the Man. Lots of people walking tonight and I had already been told that we'd have to dump our bikes eventually.

I could feel the lsd beginning to affect my mind. As soon as we'd gotten back to camp from the free feast and hammocks and afternoon fun, I'd cut the tab just about in half and handed part of it to Lu. We were in our tents layering up, sitting on the airmattress. We looked into each other's eyes and placed the tabs upon our tongues. Now forty minutes later, on the bike, on the road, on the way to the Burn, I was on.

I swoop and weave, circling friends and eyeing the trampolines as we zoom by. But we're on the go. Going deep tonight. All the way to the hot center of everything. Everyone of Black Rock City will be all swarmed together around the tall, tall form of the neon Man. He's blue and red and green in the distance. Arms at His side, the spin of participation now quieted, around Him rages a party thirty-five thousand strong. And the Gods have elected to appear, in all their playa glory. Some are humanoid, but far too tall and spindly-legged. A massive head rolls by, grinning. Off to the right as we ride onto the playa, the Midnight Ship glides menacingly, enormous even at this distance. Creatures roam its decks.

I'm catching trailers as the wheels of our bikes turn laced through with glowrings. I know the spin of Lu's glow. My lids are low and loose, and my smile crinks the cheeks that are flushed with sun and wind and booze. The energy within me flows effortlessly. I feel my thoughts within my mind, within my body, within the world around me. I'm sharing a mountaintop, here on this sealevel playa. It's everything I can do not to shout with joy again and again. Every now and then, one sneaks out. "HOOOOOOOWEEEEEEEEHAHAHA!"

There's discussion about where to park the bikes amid the thousands of other parked two-wheelers. I don't participate. I have no suggestions to offer. I'm happy to coast in the wake of this fantastic crew. We find a spot near the sign for Four O'Clock and they are careful to remember exactly where we are. A little forethought here would have saved me hours, but I'm blissing out on the cacophony around us, and Lu's talking animatedly with Nell. Their laughter makes me smile.

"You ready bro? You ready? You ready bro? You ready ready ready?" Strobe asks me boxing around on his toes. "Burn burn it doooooowwwn!!!"

"Yeah!" I shout. "YEEEEAHHHH!!"

"Assholes! This way!" Wags yells to us and we scamper to catch up. We are rolling deep tonight. So many friends. All the Curvas kids. One dude with glowhorns. The girl with pasties. Nell in pink hair. Jodi wearing flowers over her nipples. Furry vest. Short shorts. I'm caped and lamayed and goggled and googlied eyed. It gets thick as we get closer. The Man looms above. We're far back, a good two hundred feet, but the crowd is dense before us, and there's a large space around the Man fenced off to prevent death or injury.

There's madness on the playa. We all together are a living, breathing, whooping, laughing, pulsing mass of wild, wonderful madness. There's space enough for everything out here. The art installations I know are hidden in the darkness all around. Dicky sits in his plastic cage out off to my left. The whole Curvas crew is around me and I'm gripping Lu's hand tight. We kiss and grin.

Motion in the crowd. A form with flame runs towards the structure and it arcs into the air to land above the maze, between the Man's legs. Wood has been piled high. No, it starts all on it's own, in the center of his form. No, his fingers fire first, and then the rest of Him goes. No. The eyes. His eyes burn hot and then He is consumed. No.

He stands there whole and then He is on fire. Up from below, somehow, the lessening of Him begins. There's a shout from the crowd, a unified roar, as the flames grow massive, fast. A little part of me panics. Oh no oh no! Its loose! The fire's free! So huge and hot and old it's free it's free! Fireworks explode from within the Man. His soul fired loose into the night with cascades of brilliance raining down from sunbursts of blue and green and red and white. BOOM BOOM BOOM. Then there's pushing and a group shoves through with signs and shouts and maybe, could it be, rage?

"SAVE THE MAN! SAVE THE MAN!!" They shout as they flap their signs around and holler in our faces. I nearly fall down, laughing.

The fire races up His legs around his waist and tongues of fury thirty feet high blast up towards his head. The fireworks above are a continuous grand finale. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM and then one sizzles far above with a bright snaking tail.

"I can't see!" Lu says to me. She's little. I'm a giant compared to her. I kneel down and offer my head, she latches on and then loops her legs over my neck, and then supported by my friends around, I lift her into the night. "Oh!" she gasps as she squeezes my head and hair.

"Ah! Don't pull my hair! AH!"

"What?" she says bending down fast and I start to wobble.

"No! NO! Sit up! Sit up straight! Hold my forehead not my hair! AH! There, I've got your legs. Jeez!"

"It's scary up here!"

"I know I know!" I shout back up to her. The noise of fire and cheers and fireworks are deafening. "It's scary down here," I mutter, laughing to myself. I settle her in and there's another gasp as a leg gives way and His arms really get going. The heat is powerful and it's coming at us in waves. Cheering from all sides with every new burst above and then the flames destroy him altogether. He falls out of Form, into Light, into Burn, into Fire and Smoke and Heat and Death. Out of Existence, into Energy. There's a final, crushing groan and then everyone rushes in. The Man is gone. Now the night belongs to Fire, and all of us burn within.

Together we roam the playa night, but before long I am alone in the dust. Stranded, lonely, pissed, I search for my wife and my friends, in vain.

22: Texas and Beyond

In the bar called Texas a bunch of us roamed. G, Wags, N-Dawg, Nell, Strobe, Vann, Billy, Lu and I sidled up to the bar and went about trying to get some drinks. There were a lot of people in the large, spacious area and a whole bunch of small tables, chairs and couches. At least twenty five people were chilling in various parts of the camp, and there were even more at the bar. Two big guys were serving drinks and it was clear that they weren't just serving them to the customers. Already well stocked with bottles I'd grabbed for what I thought was going to be a long ride clear across the playa on the artcar, I really didn't need to order anything from the 'tenders. After looking around a bit, I saw the tractor trailer that they'd hauled all this stuff in with. A ladder was set up against its side, so with grins, Lu and I headed towards it.

"I don' t know," Lu said to me as she looked skeptically at the tall, metal ladder.

"Here, Vann, you go up first, then you Lu, and and I'll be right behind you practically hugging you all the way up. It'll be totally safe."

"I don't know," she repeated, but Vann was already moving up and I rustled Lu into place.

"Come'on! Go for it. I'm right here."

She started to climb, slowly, and I hung in there right behind her. At the top I could see the ladder was firmly bolted to the top of the truck, but the thin railing around the top edge was really nothing more than decoration. We definitely had to be careful. And the truck's top wasn't flat. It was corrogated metal just ripe for a spill or an ankletwister. Careful indeed.

The view was amazing. Our camp was right there, just one road back, and I could see the bike lot that was forming, once again, at the front edge of Curvas Peligrosas. In every other direction except for behind us where Curvas was, Black Rock City sprawled. The Man turned at its center, his arms raised in triumph. Today was His day, and tonight He was ours.

"That was so funny with the artbus!" Nell said to me as she plopped down next to me on the roof.

"First one we've been on!"

"Really! We went on a few of them last year, but this was the first ride this year."

"How many times have you been?"

"This is number five. I said last year that I wasn't going this year 'cause I'd already been so many times, but when it came around to it I just couldn't miss it."

"Which was the best?" I asked her.

She thought for a moment before responding. "First time. Well, no, second time. Yeah the second time. The first time just blew me away, you know? I had never been to anything like this and with all the art and the crazy cars and everyone dressed up, it was just the biggest, most ridiculous party I had ever been too. And I knew I had to come back. But the second year, the second year it was still all new and exciting, but I knew my way around a little better and I was better prepared and our camp was a little better, so it all just worked together knowing what I knew and still finding new stuff. I mean it's been incredible every year, this one too, but the first and second times really stand out. What about you?"

"First time. Lu, too."

"No! I thought you guys had been here a bunch of times! You guys seem to know your way around. Huh!"

"Well thanks!" I replied smiling, "that's nice of you to say. We've been to a lot of Phish festivals and big music festivals, stuff like that, so we are kinda familiar with this sorta thing, plus we got great tips from Wags. She totally laid it out for us and we just did exactly what she said. But yeah, I kinda feel like I was born out here. It just feels right. We are having the absolute best fucking time ever! WOOOOO!!!" I shouted out over the tentscape as Nell laughed. "But that artcar ride was too silly! We barely even got to go anywhere," I finished.

"I know! It lasted like fifteen minutes. But it was pretty funny how everyone dashed from the camp and came running jumping on."

"I went up top and it was kinda scary up there. You could tell the thing was barely holding together."

"I think a few of them had been on that car a long time. They were wasted!"

"Yeah, and the driver definitely had a wobble to him when he stepped out. I offered him a beer but he was like 'No way man I don't want that sierra crap. Too heavy. I need me some nice light beer' and then he hefted his can of Bud Light! I can't believe he turned down a beer!"

"God what a jerk!"

"Hey, more for us."

And I did have plenty. I'd spread a few beers around when up in the art car, and I did the same up there on top of the semi. Seemed logical as I was having another myself. Nell declined, her cup already full.

Crystal clear blue above. Not even a trace of a cloud. The sun was a living beast of unimagiable heat. For it to burn so far away, for its photons to live in the vaccums of space and time before striking me, and yet to burn so thoroughly every moment I stand in its light, it is truly amazing. I loved that the flame lit at the opening of Black Rock City was drawn through glass and focused into life from the rays of the sun. That flame that has burned all week would light the Man tonight, and the captured, slowed energy in wood grown in trees that had been used to build Him would be returned to the universe in kinetic light and heat, from whence it came. I sucked in the sun from every bare pore of skin and I gazed around our neighborhood, standing buzzed above and I knew it to be good. Then in the distance, out beyond the Man, the dust stirred. Just a rustle of particles far far away. But the low cloud grew and billowed, then soared, zooming past the Man, cutting across the playa a huge wall of white that consumed everything in its path. It roared with the breath of the earth, a wind from far away scooping up the silty ground we walked and rode on, and swirling it up into the air and over everything. Tents, domes, bikes, cars all vanished as it blew in, closer getting closer until it blasted over us, stinging us with particles and covering the world in white. "Dust storm!" I shouted and got sand in my mouth.

We hung on the roof of the semi for a while after that and then when drinks got low we decided to move on. Going down the ladder was a little hairy, since we were at least forty feet above the ground, but I kept Lu close and we all made it down safe. Out the front door of Texas there were many interesting options. To our a left there was a cage, and within that cage was a woman who was being lightly spanked by rotund man wearing spiked leather shorts and and open vest. She had a bikini top and shorts on and both of them wore big smiles. Another guy was checking out some instruments on the table, he was also inside the cage, and while another woman watched from outside, hanging onto the bars. The cage was large. The woman inside was manacled standing up and the spiked, rotund man was using a small paddle lightly on her behind. The group of us strolled towards them.

"You see, the key is to do it softly. That way it's fun. It's playful, and then maybe every now and then a little-" then a snap! -"harder. But just a little. Here, try," and he handed off the paddle. N-Dawg opened the door of the cage and then looked back at us with a crazy grin.

In the camp to our right some music started up.

Inside the cage Strobe had followed and the two of them were checking out the instruments on the table. The rotund spikey guy gave a few more instructions to the people all chained up and then Strobe convinced Nell to slip into the cuffs.

In the camp to our right the music got louder and then a woman stepped out from one of the tents and then up onto the pole in the middle of the camp. A few other people strolled out and sat down. She started pole dancing in the sun and the music pumped hard. Up the pole and then around and then her top came off. An upside down split led to a headfirst shimmy down to swivel around before rising up slow. Then she took a bow and strode off stage. Near the tents she and an older woman started talking as she took a sip of water.

"I think she was getting a pole-dance lesson," I said to Lu.

"Really?"

"Yeah that woman is like giving her tips or something. That's so funny!"

Meanwhile, inside the cage, Strobe was running what looked like a tiny, spikey, dull pizza-cutter up the middle of Nell's back. She squirmed with tickle.

"No, too hard," the rotund instructor admonished. "Like this. You don't want her to feel it, yet. You can only do it that hard at the very end, or else there is no fun."

I left Lu laughing at their caged silliness to see what was on the other side of Texas. I thought I remembered sign that said Lapdances, and I was right. But just as I got close, Billy was coming out.

"They're closed. And it's weird, it's like they give lessons. It's not like just lapdances or something."

"Really. Interesting." Lu had to hear about this!

Strobe and Nell were just exiting the cage and I told Lu about the lapdance lessons as we walked back to the camp. Refills were needed desperately and everyone wanted to chill for a bit. I got involved in another disasterous game of beer pong and some people rolled up with these craftboxes that Lu immediately latched on to. In no time she had made three beaded necklaces and was handing them out to friends in the camp. The craft people just rolled around with their stuff offering it up for anyone to create anything they wanted. It was awesome to see so many humans just giving things away with a smile. I'm used to sharing with friends, and the Phish lots tended towards the generous, helpful side. But this was on a whole other level. People relished in the opportunity to give and it was so much fun to be a part of.

A final toss that I missed meant I had lost, once again, but then Mish and Siv appeared and all morose thoughts of bad beer ponging were lost with the surprise of their presence.

"Yay!!" I shouted as they rolled up to camp and ditched their bikes.

"Here!" Siv said to me with a big grin and then a pulled a green freezerpop from the cooler they'd brought along.

"Yes!" I replied. Sweet frozen deliciousness. "This is exactly what I need right now! Beer?"

"Please!"

"Mish too?"

"Definitely"

I handed them off to him and then I said, "So I've been thinking about the Hookah Dome. I want to check that out."

"Sounds great!" Siv replied.

"Excellent. I'll rally the troops and we'll roll!"

It took us forever to get out of camp. There was so much to do! Hats and goggles and beers and water. The same thing over and over again, but it was essential to life on the playa. Lu loaded her basket. I strapped the cooler onto my back bike rack and filled a Nalgene with water, after guzzling two whole other refills first, of course. For the first time ever I asked Lu for some chapstick. I never used the stuff. You can get addicted to that crap and end up with lips all sore and sickly whenever you don't wear it. But out there, I needed it. Lotion, too, on feet and hands every damn day. The sun was a brutal, relentless master. We worshipped it with water and lotion and shade and sweat. We sighed when we spun out of its rays at the end of every day.

Back on bikes, the afternoon was a whirlwind. We got a good sized group together and headed out for some fun. First to the Hookah Dome, where there was, of course, a line once again. But this time I decided to see if I could do something about it. I went up to the guy working the door and I asked him if he knew Joey. Joey was my upstairs neighbor and had left days early to set up the Hookah Dome. I knew he was in deep.

"Hang on, " he replied to me and then called over another guy. That guy went running around the back and then a few seconds later Joey's girlfriend Jennie appeared with a grin. And then we pulled the old dwarf trick from the The Hobbit. First it seems like it's just us, but Lu had Mish with her, and she was with Nell and then the next thing you know there's seven of us snaking in the back way with Jenny at the head, and we're going to find Joey. Through the kitchen in the back and then through the Dome's back door we emerged into a cool, quiet space. Hookas smoked from amid pillows and languid humans. There were plants and fabrics and the light was soft and cool. We found Joey kicking back and he was psyched to see us. Our presence was a surprise. We had decided to go to Burning Man after he had already left. He put some more yummy tobacco in the hookah and then we all passed the tubes around. The relaxation was endless. But our time wasn't.

Another friend was playing music, so after a chill respite in the Hookah Dome we rode on. Trampolines had to be jumped on every time we passed them. At one point there were two trampolines next to each other, so a deadly game of multi-jump ensued. Hilarity echoed across the playa. We passed an installation out on the playa, and as Lu was taking a picture of it, we realized there was a couple in there having sex. Eyes and mouths opened wide in surprise, we hid our giggles and rode on. I watched G weave through a huge metal horseshoe out on the playa. He deftly maneuvered his bike through the thin passage between. Lu got inspired and followed his lead, but she cut it too tight. I heard her say "Oh no!" and then she was down. Luckily she didn't crack her head, but she did get a nice scrape on her arm where she clipped the metal. At first I was nothing but worried, but after I ran to her and saw she was okay, it was tough not to laugh. She chuckled, too! Finally we found Tok playing his trumpet, but we weren't there long before his set was over. Time was slipping away! The last day was vanishing fast! Mish and Siv peeled off to find home and dinner and get ready for the night. We rode on and found a dome-full of hammocks.

"Holy shit," I said as we rode up. There were seventy, ninety, maybe a hundred hammocks strung up in the dome. We fell to them eagerly, trying out a few before settling on the ones that fit us best. But I was riled up! I started pushing Lu, making her swing, and then I got the idea I could make everyone swing at the same time and then I started jumping over them as they swung high and low. Their screeches made me cackle, but it wasn't as nearly dangerous as I made it sound. Then suddenly it was time to go so they got up and we cruised off, and it wasn't until a good twenty minutes later that I realized I had lost my hat. Gone. Off my head jumping or riding or somewhere I had lost it, and there was no time now to go back and look for it. I had a vision of my hat leaving my head, and the second it was gone vanishing completely without even a pop. And then somewhere, sodden, I knew it would wash ashore on a debris strew street of New Orleans, cosmically returned to the city that it sprung from to shade a weary head when the waters had dried.

We found another bar and sat down for another drink, but then the topic of food came up and the guy running the place insisted that we come around back and have a bite to eat. He cooked up a batch of spaghetti and served a caesar salad on the side. I thanked him profusely as the five of us feasted. We offered beers and bud in return, but he would have none of it. In the end, he did let me smoke him up, but only if I'd puff with him. He didn't want anything given in return. I was fine with that 'cause a post-dinner puff was just the thing I was looking for, too. But it was getting dark. Time was running short. The sun lowered towards the horizon and we were back on our bikes, full, weaving through the suburbs on the other side from our camp. There was a ways to go and we had to get moving because we knew it was going to take a while to get ready before heading out for the final night of this madness called Burning Man. Everything was coming up Milhouse. Everything we wanted or needed was being delivered to us directly, as though through the intervention of some divine, perfect being. In my delightful, drunken state I was certain the Man had something to do with it. All that we'd given all week to friends and strangers was being returned tenfold. And now all we had to do was ride out the flames that would consume the Man, and let the rest of the night roll on up to us, roll on over to its back, and let us scratch its cosmic belly. Life was good, and it was only getting better.

21: The Shady 'Hood

Waking up was a process. The first sensation after the dreams had fled was pressure below. Gotta piss gotta piss can't piss too far must sleep I thought and then I flipped over tossing the sleeping bag aside as the temperature slowly rose. I couldn't go out there just yet. Lu's prone, sleeping form was next to me. I laid a hand across her back and then tried to drift away again. It may have worked. But my arm was making her way too warm. She shooke me off with a mumble. My eyes were nearly caked shut and my mouth was dust crusted. I could feel the grit on my face, on my arms, in my hair. Even my lungs contained the tiny flecks of sand. Finally it got to be too much. I couldn't wait any more. I pulled on shorts, found my glasses, slipped on my Crocs, burst out into the day and jumped on my bike to ride like mad down the block to the bathroom. And once again, I was impressed by the extreme cleanliness of the porta-potties.

Back at the tent I flopped onto the air mattress despite the growing heat. I just needed a little more time with my eyes closed. I may have dozed a bit longer, but eventually it simply got too hot. We got up and stumbled into the camp's shade. I couldn't even consider putting in my contacts yet. I'd been wearing them for stretches of twelve, fifteen hours at a time. Instead I had a pair of huge red glasses that you would use for a laser level, but they fit nicely over my regular glasses, so I just rocked those all day. The ruby red plastic glasses made the sky and sand and world brand new hues. I took my seat at the Curvas bar, enjoying a delicious cup of blueberry yogurt. It was our last day, though, and I realized that we had yet to bust out the Stingray Bloody Mary Mix from Trader Joe's, and the yummy potato vodka that went with it so perfectly. In short order multiple marys were made and passed out. Their snap brought my brain back in line, but I also started right in on the water 'cause I could feel my skin getting shrively in the heat.

I felt good. No hangover, no headache, no stomach ache, no funk. I was groggy and sleepy and definitely a little worn out, but there was no question that tonight was going to be the absolute shit. The best night ever. The Burn! It was on and I was psyched. Finally we were there for our first Burn of the Man, and it was only half a day away.

Lu strolled over to me, slipping her hand around my arm as she leaned in for a kiss. "Morning!" she said with a smile. Finally we could talk now that liquid had been restored to our bodies and minds.

"Hi baby! How you feeling?"

"Great! A little tired, but good. You?"

"Perfect. But lazy."

"Yeah," she agreed, "I'm feeling lazy too."

"Ya know," I said, "we've been all over the place all week. Maybe today we should just chill and hang out at camp and not worry about going exploring today."

"That sounds like a great idea!" Lu agreed. "You know there are a lot of people here that really haven't left the camp much at all."

"I know! I guess since they've been here so many times, they feel like they've seen it all, so they just want to hang."

"I guess. But it's got to be so different every year! I couldn't imagine not exploring."

"Totally. And we really did see so much."

"We did. But it's crazy how much stuff we didn't see."

"I know," I agreed. "It's like friggin endless, ya know? You could go all day every day and stop at every place for only five minutes and you still wouldn't get through half of it!"

"Yeah. Let's just stay around the camp today. That sounds great."

"I'm in." I agreed and then with another kiss, Lu drifted off to talk to other Peligrosans, and I motioned to J-Bird for some help. In seconds there was a shot in front of me and him.

"Cheers, Bones," J-Bird said, and we toasted. Nothing like Sauza to start off the day. I chased it with a sip of Mary. After all, it was Burnday. And on Burnday, anything goes!

Morning eased into afternoon on short shadows and devastating light. I stayed shady. Sandstorms blew in from the playa and I warned the camp with a shout of "Batten'em down!" as sandust tore through. Eventually the vodka ran out and we cleaned off the ping-pong table for some beer pong. The problem was, though, they played it different. I'm used to Beruit, where you just bomb the hell out of those beer cups. Their style was using one bounce. More pongy. Suffice to say I didn't win, but the buzz piling on was enough to numb the pain of losing to Wags and Darren.

The camp was kicking. More dub through the speakers and lots of people milling around, cooking food, drinking drinks, shooting shots, chillin' out. There were a few who had stumbled from their tents only to plop back down prone and fall fast asleep on the futon. Others dozed on the couch. Up in the moving truck DJ Frost was trying out some new cuts. Friends of friends rolled up and stepped in. The guy with the pink tutu told me about his friend's encounter with acid, artcars, and oral sex. When I walked away so I didn't have to hear him describe in detail what Malicious gave to Delicious, I found Jess to share a bowl. The only place I ever saw her was in the camp. There were a lot of people like that, there. Most of them, in fact. It was tough to stick together in that midnight wilderness of Black Rock City. I took a huge breath of the desert air and then exhaled, leaning into the day. Buzzdrunk and then crispy, the objects and humans of the world around me seemed to glow and sharpen.

Lazing about in the midst of madness can be truly exquisite. I was taking my ease at my home in the suburbs of Black Rock City. If you drew a line from the Man, and aimed it exactly southeast, it would have struck me in the forehead at the very edge of this dangerous, excellent curve. This is where we lived while the city existed. The City that sprung to life at the moment the first human laid foot on the empty playa. The place that dies when the last human leaves. And if we all do it right, there should not even be a trace that any of this ever went on. It is only now in Black Rock City.

And I took my ease in the early afternoon of Burnday, reveling in the moment. In the pure bliss of being. Here in time, here in space, here in emotion, here in focus, standing on my own two feet, held up by bones and muscle, pumped through with blood and oxygen, sheathed in skin with a light sheen of sweat as my eyes behind corrective glasses and deep red lasershades roved across the visages of all these other people I had just met. Roved across the flapping tents and steel-edged glint of autos and trucks; roved up the Man where he turned in silent thought, ready to burst apart, ready for release. Everyone was here to see what could happen, and if they could help in any way. Then a guy showed up with a pizza.

"Hey! Is this Curvas Peligrosas?" shouted.

"Yeah!" J-Bird answered.

"You betcha! Curvas! Hey you need a Curvas cozy? Have a shot dude!" came shouts from people hanging around.

"Is N-Dawg here?" the Pizza Guy shouted.

"Yeah! What's up?" N-Dawg asked, walking over. They talked for a moment, then N-Dawg came back with two pizza boxes in his hands. I went over to him and Lu met me there.

"Check this out!" N-Dawg said, reading the label on the box. "This is so funny. Check this out, my friends just had this pizza delivered! There's a camp you go to where they are making pizzas, and you make one that you eat, and then another one you get to send to someone and they deliver it them. Now I get to eat this one, but I have to go back to that camp, return the boxes and then I can send one out, too!"

"That is so funny," Lu said, shaking her head. "That is awesome. You have to do it!"

"Awesome! I love that," I said. "That is so fucking cool! I want to do something like that!"

"They have people that send post cards for you, to people in the camp," Skeeter mentioned. He had been listening. "There's a bike repair shop too, or I guess there used to be but there isn't this year."

"Have you seen the Teeter-Totter of Death?" Nell asked. "It's like forty freaking feet high!"

"I still have yet to go to the rollerdisco," I said shaking my head.

"It's so fun! They have every skate size for you to use!"

"We have to ride an artcar some time," Lu said nodding. "We gotta find a good one."

"Yeah I can't believe we haven't been on one yet," Wags said. "That's going to have to change."

"And I still haven't gone in theHookah Dome," I said with a scowl. "My neighbors upstairs back home are like running the friggin thing but there's always a line to get in! It's pretty much the only line out here. Stopped by yesterday, but he wasn't around."

My cup was empty so it was time for a beer. I went around to the kitchen and pulled out from under the truck, the second to last twleve pack of beer. I had saved Sierras for today. The final 12 of Coronas would be good for later on or tomorrow or to share tonight when we party. The re-icing of the beer was a daily ritual I enjoyed. It felt good to know how cold and delicious they were going to be in a little while. And in the beer cooler there was still a few left from the night before. Perfect.

Then it was showertime. Even though it was hot, the warmed water from the solar bag felt incredibly perfect. The dust stuck right back on as I got dressed, but the shower was a refreshing reset. I was rummaging around in the tent when I heard a shout from the camp. I couldn't make out what she said, but I popped out of the tent to see what was going on.

"ARTCAR!" Wags shouted again as she dashed into the camp, breaking through the throng of friends milling around in the shade. Dave on the futon woke up with a start and looked around confused. "Artcar!" Wags repeated as she ran towards her tent and then I looked at Lu and she looked at G and then he looked at me and we all sprung into action.

"Go go go!" I shouted to Lu and G. "Lu get water, I'll get beers! G! go go go!"

I could hear the rumble of the machine as I spun towards the kitchen and loaded my pockets with bottles. Lu ran around the couch looking for her Nalgene as G darted out of the camp towards the road. The artcar rumbled into view. It was a doubledecker, a bus with a porch. Railings around the top made it look almost safe but there was no time for evaluation. I still needed shit in the tent!

"Get my sunglasses!" Lu shouted to me. In the tent I found them and my Nawlins hat which, luckily had my bandana in there, too. Bowl in pocket with bud lighter beers glasses hers hat shirt go go go! Out and into the camp. People had been roused and were making a run for it. G was already on it and Lu disappeared around the far side, hopefully going up the stairs. The madmax doubledecker hadn't even slowed. Wags was right in front of me as we ran through the camp out onto Gestalt and then down the dust-filled road as the bottles jiggled in my shorts and my hat flapped off my head we turned it on, caught up, grabbed hands and were hauled aboard the machine that was going to take us to god knows where on the playa and for god knows how long. Panting, I passed out beers.

"Hey, no thanks man. But ya know, we're only going around the block," the driver said with a grin.

I groaned.

Fifteen or twenty minutes later they stopped at Texas. Next door was a bondage cage with a variety of devices. On the other side was a camp with a stripper's pole at it's center. Nearby was a white tent with a sign that said Lapdance.

"I had no idea the red light district was right next door!" I said to Lu as we parted the curtains on the entrance to Texas and found a large bar, with tables and chairs and a bunch of people just hanging around. "Who the fuck knew all this was only a hundred yards away!?"

"I guess we'd never know if we didn't look," Lu replied on the sly.

"That is so true," I replied, thoughtful. "That is so very true," and then we were within.

20: Friday Night Freaks

Timing timing timing! Time is the fuel of every moment, but good timing, conincidence is the very essence of the human experience. Good timing is when experience and mind and moment coalesce into perfection. Good timing is the source of many love affairs. Of burglaries. Of disaster averted. Good timing is the sugar that sweetens the dull, tasteless repetition of everyday life. So many factors affect a moment of good timing. So many tiny choices on so many people's parts that lead to that instant when all the world falls into place. For some reason, in my life, there is a person out there who represents all of this to me, even though I don't really like the guy. In fact, he doesn't know my name. Has no idea he means a thing to me, and in many ways it's not even him, but he is the vehicle that reveals a certain aspect of the world that I find amazing and ridiculous and compelling. His name is Alan, and he was at Burning Man. The moment we discovered him was utter hilarity, but of course, he had no idea any of it was going on. He never does.

He used to live in the apartment beneath me. One weekend he rang the bell very late at night to ask us to turn the music down. We had no music playing. We told him to fuck off. That was the first time I met him. The next night he rang the bell again, this time just a bit after two a.m. He was frantic for beer and asked if there was any we could sell him. We sent him on his way, beerless. I can only assume he had only just moved in that weekend, because after that we heard from him on a weekly basis, usually to complain about how loud people were going up the stairs to our place. Then we'd have a party and he be happy as pie to drink our beer and smoke our weed. And the best part, thoughout all of this, every time I interacted with him, he'd say "Hi, I'm Alan," and I'd have to tell him that I knew that, we'd met before and then I'd tell him my name again. That is, until the fifth time and then I stopped talking to him altogether 'cause he was annoying and really weird and for fuck's sake, he could never remember mine or Lu's name. So fuck'em.

At the party a friend saw me talking to him asked, "You know Alan?"

"Not really," I replied. "He lives downstairs and he's kinda a pain in the ass."

"Yeah, I know him, or at least, I've seen him before. A bunch of times. He always at shows and he's always the most fucked up person there and he never remembers who anyone is."

And with that description, Alan was handed to me as this creature of the scene that I simply cannot shake. He's that way for a few of us and it's really rather totally bizarre. My friend Jack saw him on the highway once. At JazzFest deep in the night, he was the guy stumbling out of Tipatina's trying to get in on the cab with us. At the bluegrass fest in the park, Alan was the guy who set up right in front of us and spun danced through the day, stepping all over our shit and bumming our beers. At Phish shows we'd see him in the hands of security being led from the lawn. At shows around town he was the wide-eyed freak flailing all about.

So, when we'd finally made it all the way out to the DIS sign in the deep reaches of the playa and were grooving to the DJ tearing apart the Friday night madness and when I turned around from the group we'd traveled with out from Curvas Peligrosas, and there I turned dance spun twisted to the writhing beats and my eyes laid across the many freaks spazzing out at the edges of reason and there I turned and leapt and spun in the night dancing my ass off and there I turned and there I turned and saw him flailing. Alan in Black Rock City. The night was complete. I nearly collapsed in proxsyms of laughter as eyes-closed he shook and flailed and danced around and through and near us.

"G! Lu!" I shouted over the music. "G!!!" and then they looked at me. "Right behind!"

And they both turned, they both saw, and they both howled with laughter.

When Alan was there, I knew it was the right party for us. Where the night was brightest and tightest and true. Where we had timed it perfectly to find the only person we should, even though he'd never know he meant a thing to us. There he was, and so were we. It wasn't until much later that the deeper meanings of that moment became clear to me. Not until after I'd been lost and found again. Not until I saw what the other sign, across from DIS said. Not until I did all the math was ridiculous perfection of the banal universe revealed in full. But out there in the maniacal part of Friday night, seeing him was good enough to send us all up the scale of silliness, and we never even spoke to him once.

Getting out there was a million tiny choices. The choices go all the way back to the week before when we'd sat in a bar and a friend who wasn't even going convinced Lu and I that we should. Closer, though to the moment of discovering Alan on the playa, were the usual mayhem of leaving camping, forgetting things, going back, coming out again, waiting for someone to finish getting ready, hitting the bathroom clear and abundantly, not riding on the roller rink, once again, which left to take out in the glowspun flameblasted madness of the playa at night. There were factors to be equated.

Wags' bike was gone. She was riding a loaner that was in pretty sorry shape.

"Before we left this afternoon," she told me she thumped along next to me, "we fixed the flat. The front tire was flat so we put a new tube in and went out for a ride and we were all the way out on the playa when the back friggin tire blew out. So now we're out there and there's no way to fix it so we had to walk the whole way back and it really just sucked. It sucks not having my bike."

"Here," I said to her, stopping. She stopped, too. "Here, take mine. You can ride mine tonight and I'll ride yours and we'll just see how it goes."

"Really?"

"Totally. I really don't mind. Lu rode it this afternoon and it's a sweet friggin bike and it really really sucks that yours got stolen, you haven't complained about it at all, and I'm totally feeling great so it won't matter at all." I wasn't asking her. We switched. Her bike did suck. The back tire was toast, and not just the tube. The whole tire was fucked up, just torn and old, and there was truly nothing that could be done. But I just didn't care. I could still cruise, and I was happy that she had a break from the shitassness of theivery and bikelessness. But the torn tire was a factor, and it meant we were trying to not venture too far from home. Besides, we hadn't really explored the east side of the Black Rock at night so that's where we aimed. And we rolled large on Friday night.

Lu was decked in a silver dress, fishnets, black boots and goggles that put her firmly in the realm of cosmic playagirl. I was in the usual: Crocs, camo pants, gold shirt, cape and goggles. G and Wags were funkified, too, with a short skirt on her, a sweet shirt on G. N-Dawg rolled with us and wore a dark, furry vest and shorts. The best costumes, though, were the Car Wash Girls. It was E and Jess and the both of them covered in car-cleaning, poofy sponges. When you got between them, you got clean. On bikes they were hilarious. We cruised through the suburbs, taking in the sights and then found a dome we could dance in. Then from there another. And then another after that. Whereas on Thursday night we rode until our legs fell off, on Friday we punished ourselves with excessive dancing. All of it was loud techno. But the hit of E that Lu and I split was just enough to make us receptive to the monster beats and cascading trills, but not so much that we were fluttery and vapid and lost in the bliss. We enjoyed coherent euphoria.

"You know, I heard that Freak Nasty was playing out by the DIS sign tonight," Wags told us as we took a break between domes.

"Where's that?" I asked her.

"Out there," she replied, pointing into the darkness, off to the north and east, beyond The Man. "The only thing is, it's kinda far. Do you want to go all the way out there on that bike?"

I didn't even hesitate. "Let's do it! I'm totally fine riding this thing," and I was being honest. The playa dirt was soft, the rim I rode on was straight and true, and it would be worth it to get out there to boogie down. It was really the only thing we could do. At this distance the sign was just barely visible, but as we rode it grew brighterr, more ledgible and louder. We arrived at a rager, dumped our bikes and started to dance.

In large white lights, the word DIS was spelled out. Behind the ten foot tall letters, a stage was set up. On the stage was a DJ--Freak Nasty-- with his tables, his records, large speakers and swirling lights. We danced in the dust in front of that, hard. Off to one side was a lit box that you could stand and dance on. At one point a guy got up there and did some firedancing. At another point it was me and the Car Wash Girls. Another time found all the ladies up there getting down. And it was standing up there on the glowsquare when I first saw Alan frolic by.

I couldn't stand the guy! I didn't want to talk to him! I knew for sure he would have no idea who I was, where I came from, how we knew each other. But he was there. Of course he was there. Without even trying, a tiny piece of the large Burning Man puzzle was slipped into place. But it gets better still, although it requires a turn into meanness in no uncertain terms. All I can do here is report the facts, but I know that does not absolve me of the sins of mockery, of makefunery. These are the facts, but they just so happened to blow my mind.

A part of Alan's tale goes back years before me, and an important fact is that Alan is Asian. Steve, an old friend, had met Alan years ago. It was at a Phish show, Alan required help, he and friends stepped in to assist, but madness ensued and since then, my friend Steve has called Alan 'The Disoriental.' It's not nice but it is what it is. And on Friday night of Burning Man, me and my friends found Alan out behind the DIS sign, and it was not until we rode back later that night that I saw what the other sign was clear across the playa, the sign that was part of the art we'd just danced upon, that was of the same font, was in fact the rest of the word we had only half seen so far. That other word was ORIENT and when I read that, in laughter, I fell right off my bike. Of course we found him behind the sign that part of the word that was his ancient nickname. Of course he was there. I got a picture with him. He never saw us take the shot. It made it all complete somehow. In truth, it was a Burning Man Miracle.

We rode for the Fringe camp and live music taboot. Blvd was playing and I was adamant about hearing music made from instruments with skins and gutstrings and living, live grooves. The band was awesome. It was outdoors like all the other temporary venues and they owned the stage. But up and behind them was the whole big wide universe. The Man was behind us and we were in the front row with a seven foot chicken. Lu and I danced with him for a while as G and Wags jiggyfooted around bouncing on the chunky chords of the band before us. Hulahoops on the ground became zones of boogie. We chased each other around as the Car Wash Girls wandered, scrubbing. The fun made me hoot and shout as the music filtered through me fast and I moved smooth through the night.

At some point we went home. Eventually there was sleep. Before that Lu and I giggled in the dark of our tent that we'd found Alan out behind the Dis with Orient far the other way. Out of thirty five thousand we found the one. Our luck is endless is my final foolish thought before the nothing of sleep takes time from me.

19: The Great Boobiesneak

"Well that's just fucked up," Strobe said to all of us in general.

The world swirled around us. People strode by. Bathrooms were close so there was flux and movement. Above a plane cut across the sky with a long white, smokey tail behind it. The sun seared a sphere in the vast blue dome. Music pumped from within the party just thirty yards away.

"I can't believe they want to keep us out."

"I guess they figure with so many topless women the place would just be overrun if just anyone could get int," Lu offered.

"Totally," Nell agreed. "It's kinda cool that's it's all just for women," she said with a sly grin.

Lu's pursed lips belied her amusement too.

"Well we just have to get in there," Billy said, simply.

"Why, though?" I asked. "I mean what's the big deal? The place will probably be packed and I mean, this is fucking Burning Man! If they don't want us in there it's not like there's nothing else to do. Fuck that, ya know? Fuck'em. If they don't want us in there I'm sure there are tons of really fun shit to do on this fine Friday afternoon."

"Totally," Lu agreed. "There's so much other stuff to see!"

"Yeah, that's true," Strobe agreed. "But I don't know. It'd be fun to get in there."

Nell was silent behind her sunglasses. Billy didn't say anything either. Slowly, the five of us moved away from the portapotties and drifted up the street, past the entrance again. Both of the girls looked in longingly. Annoyance from earlier in the day flashed through me.

"That's just bullshit elitism, is what it is," I said. "I thought this was supposed to be like everyone participating and about community and openess and all that shit. And we come here to hang at the Critical Tits after-party and they won't even let us in? Bullshit. If they don't want us there, I don't want to go."

"See that's the thing," Strobe said laughing. "I wanted to go before, but now that they won't let us in, I *really* want to find a way in there."

"Totally!" Billy replied and the rest of of laughed. We stopped again.

"Yeah I see that," I agreed. "But I dunno. They're not gonna let us in."

"True," Billy agreed. "I guess we could find something else to do."

Topless woman rode by, parked their bikes and strolled into the party. A horde of people were gathered around the entrance, but only women were making it through to the party within. A black, mesh fence was attached to either side of the entrance and it wrapped around in either direction, keeping the party separated from the rest of Burning Man. Cars and trucks were pulled tight against the barrier, making it even more difficult to find an alternative way in. Idly, Billy wandered, continuing around the edge of the fence and then around the corner out of sight. Strobe trailed behind him ten steps back. Lu and Nell and I just chilled as indecision ruled the afternoon. In seconds the guys were back, mischief in their grins.

"Come'on," Billy said. "I found a spot, we can totally sneak in!"

"Oh, I don't know," I said, shaking the idea off. "I mean..."

"What? What'll happen? Are they going to kick you out of Burning Man? No way. Come'on Bones, what's the big deal? Let's just give it a try."

I'm a wuss is the thing. I'll jump out of an airplane, spin my brain with hallucinogens, go swimming in the ocean at midnight, naked. I'll stand at the edge of a cliff or leap into water below, I'll hold tarantulas, feed snakes, eat bugs, but only when it's safe. Before leaping into the water I would swim out to the landing area and plumb the depths for rocks or roots or shallow spots. Out the plane I have a parachute and instructor I trusted. And I know the ocean isn't nearly as dangerous as the roads and highways I travel all the time. But when it comes to shit like this, sneaking in, pilfering, lying, cheating, it just knots me up inside and I simply cannot make myself give over to small thrill that comes with breaking petty rules. And this one was petty indeed.

"Sounds good!" Lu agreed. "You guys go sneak in and we'll walk in and then we'll meet you in there."

"But--" I started until Lu cut me off.

"Oh chill out, it's fine. Just go with them! I'll see you inside," and she was gone, off grinning with Nell.

"Bones, come'on you fucking pansy. Let's sneak into this boobiefest!" Strobe admonished me and then he followed Billy's lead. I came along behind them, slower, ruminating.

We walked around, kind of out of sight, very close to the fence. Billy stopped and indicated an area up ahead where the plastic fence was unattached at the bottom. Beyond it, inside, the back edge of two tents nearly butted up against each other. It really was a perfect spot for sneaking in, I had to give him that.

Strobe moved quickly towards the gap, ducked under and was inside. Billy was a couple of steps behind him. I waited a moment to see how their attempt went as they both disappeared out of sight within. And there time grew loose.

I have always been facinated with the phenomenon of time. It encompasses us. We live it, experience it, know it well in the frustrating minutes of boredom in traffic or in the rapid hours of joy as a party tears through the night. How when rushed, it grows dense, unrelenting, vanishing. How when lazy the hours lose their way back up the numbers to twelve. Out here we've been without clocks for days, but the press of future becoming now and then falling into the past's imperfect memory revealed the true superflousness of tracking minutes. Clocks are but a feeble attempt to capture one of the greatest mysteries of the universe, almost a mockery of the enormous, powerful, underlying force that drags us kicking and screaming from birth to youth to wisdom to death. It never stops. It never vanishes, yet it can never been seen, touched, smelled or corralled. Pictures are a pale substitute for a living moment. Memories are but the ghosts of experience. And it is possible to think a million and one things in the span of a moment, because sometimes a moment can leap the bounds of normalcy and spread out into a vast pool of living, breathing, happening, now.

As my I placed one Croc covered foot before the other my mind raced with possibilities, and the current of that racing thought charged time, expanding it. They're in I'm going here we go sneak in no big deal but if I get caught how will Lulu know? The walkie-talkies are gone we have no place to meet and I could be just stuck out here until she figures out that I couldn't get in. But my hand is on the fence and I'm moving fast. Stealthy in broad daylight. I don't look around. I don't go furtive. I'm butter melting through. I'm supposed to be here, doing this. I belong I belong I belong as I duck under and twitch my body through with a quick squat and I spin forward underneath. Up on two feet I'm in but not past the white tents yet. Still definitely on the edge of shadiness so close to border between Critical Tits and the rest of the world. I'm in I'm in, we're good I'm thinking when suddenly I saw Strobe.

He was just a bit ahead of me, at the edge of the tent. There was a guy talking to him who was about the same age as us. Thirty-ish, maybe a bit younger. The guy was wearing shorts, a hat, sunglasses and there was a laminated card hung on a laynard around his neck. Clearly a discussion of some kind was going on. Without a thought, I walked past them, willing myself to bend lightrays around my form so when this dude looked at me, all he would see are the painted boobies and hot bodies of the women behind me. Eyes averted behind my shades, hands in pockets, I walked by them, nonchalantly. Quickly, I melded into the crowd and hid a large sigh of relief. I was still worried about Strobe getting busted and figuring out where in this boobie heaven my wife has vanished to but Billy found me fast.

"Nice dood! That was awesome! They didn't even see us!" he said, too loudly for my taste. Even though we were in, I wasn't thrilled about rolling this party without a pass. I figured it was just a matter of time before someone running this show saw that we were unlicensed attendees and booted us the hell out of there.

"Yeah that was pretty smooth," I agreed. "But I think they nabbed Strobe. He was talking to some guy when I slipped past them."

"Saw that," Billy replied. "If we can't find him in a bit we'll have one of the girls go out there and see if he's around. Course we gotta find the girls, too!"

The place was large. Larger than it seemed from the outside. There were various tents around the edges with various luxuries for women, and there was a shade tent in the center of the open area that was packed with topless women. There were hundreds of them all around. All beautiful in their own way, and some in that incredible that truly special way. Music blasted over the din and people squirmed and shimmied and sucked face and jiggled. Hands on skin. Paint on skin. Sun on skin. Eyes on skin from behind my sunglasses as I searched the crowd for my baby, thoroughly enjoying the sights as my gaze flicked past nipple rings, paired yellow sunflowers, abstract creations of swelled color, sunbursts, sparkles, pink pasties, and some au natural, covered only with a tan, a thin sheen of sweat, and the fine dust of playa. Around the far side of the center shade area I found Nell and Lu.

"You made it!" Lu said with delight as she gave me a kiss and a hug.

"Where's the rest of the guys?" Nell asked, searching over my shoulder.

"Billy was right behind me, I thought he was here. Strobe got caught on the way in. I saw him talking to some guy as we slipped by."

"Oh no way!" Lu commiserated.

"Totally--"

"Wait there they are," Nell exclaimed, pointing. In seconds they had joined us, their smiles huge.

"What happened?" Lu asked him.

"Well," Strobe started, "I had made it past the fence and was just about to step out past the tent when this guy came up to me and was like, hey, where's your pass? And I said, it's right here, and I showed him this," Strobe said, holding up the tiny laminated Curvas Peligrosas tag J-Bird had handed out the other day. "He was all, um, that doesn't look like a Critical Tits pass and I was like oh wait, I must have it some where. I thought this was it, but he wasn't buying it so then I just said man, dude, what's the big deal. I'm harmless. I just want to hang out with my girl for a little while and then I'll be on my way. Just cut me some slack man, I mean, what's the big deal? And then he thought for a second and then he was like fine, whatever, and he walked away."

"Sweet!"

"Nice work!"

Nell gave him a hug and I gave him knuckles. "I saw him talking to you and I didn't know what to do so I just kept walking and it was like he didn't even see me! You went first and then Billy went by and then I did and he didn't even stop the two of us! Nice diversion man! That was fucking sweet." It was fun sneaking around! They were right. God I'm such a wuss. That was so fucking easy, and it was damn good to be inside.

We walked around then found a good spot to chill. Nearby there was a bald, naked, older man, painted completely silver. He had a crazy looking camera with him and he had a big smile on his face. There was something peaceful about him, but also dynamic and active. He was standing near this short wall with eyeholes cut out in it. A bunch of women were going from hole to hole, peering in. Lu went over and then she turned around with her eyes wide.

"This is amazing, Bones come look!" I went over and looked in after waiting a bit for some space to free up. There were a lot of people checking it out. I leaned close and peered in. Before me was a woman with large, perky breasts painted purple with wildflowers bursting across her curves. Her nipples stood out proudly and the curves of her breasts were lush with depth. I could see the hollows of her eyes, the jut of her nose and the rounded shelf of her chin out above her neck. The next was another woman, but the photo was just as unique and stunning. They were pictures in three dimensions, and of such good quality and detail that it took the breath away. I had never seen photos like this, and it wasn't just the gorgeous subject matter. He used a special camera that he had created. Two lenses and the technology blended so that he was able to take these incredible photographs. I looked at every one and I was amazed. "Every freaking picture in the world should look like this!" I said aloud. Everyone around me agreed.

We chilled there for a while, chatting with the photographer and meeting new friends in the sunny afternoon. It's amazing how easy it is to become used to everyone being topless. I chatted with a woman for a good fifteen minutes and didn't even think to think about the fact that she wasn't wearing a thing above her shorts. It really just wasn't that big a deal.

The funniest thing of all were the Monkey Butlers. Men strolled around the party carrying plates of fruit with a cup of melted chocolate, nuts, drinks. But it was only for the women. I saw Billy reach for one treat and but the guy offering quickly pulled it out of his reach. Lu and Nell got some free yummy drinks and we all stood around grooving, hanging, chilling out as some guy got up on top of a truck and nearly took it all off much to the delight of these rowdy ladies.

Then time shifted, moved on, changed hues. The day was getting old and night approached from the east. I couldn't tell how long we were at the Critical Tits party, but as a group it became clear that we were all ready to go. Our missions had been accomplished, all of them. We'd found the parade. We'd found the party. We'd snuck in, hung out, had a blast and now it was time to go back to Curvas, reload, eat up and get ready for the night.

It was Friday night, baby, but out there on the playa the names of days meant nothing. The only names for what was to come could only be: Mayhem. Madness. Beauty. Fun. The only thing we wanted to do was everything, and all of it was ours for the taking. All we had to do was want it and any of our desires could be met.

Cities like this are a rare thing. And of all the cities even close to this one, Black Rock was the only one that toyed with time, that demanded fealty from that fickle force. Whereas Amsterdam and New Orleans and NYC and Berlin and San Fran and Tokyo and Sydney are ever victims of time's slow grind, here in Black Rock City, time is tamed, laid out static as the map to our world and then denied the creep of it's slow power by embracing the transitory nature of all things in this universe. Black Rock City never gets old because it kills itself before Time can. And like the fire that will consume The Man tomorrow night, the only way it can live is through the fuel of our imagination, the breath of our desire, the spark of our love and in enough space to let those mingle and then conflagurate into a shimmering cacaphony of life and creation that burns only once a year and then vanishes into the dusty memory of the the desert

Tonight was The Man's last night to live. And together--us, the city, the night, the wind, the burning stars, the artcars, the bikes, the desert visions, Dicky in his cube, Time itself--together we were going to throw The Man one final bash that will make our memories quiver every time we dare to step out onto the playa that will forever live in each of our minds.

We rode back lazy, and the sun's golden set thrilled all.

18: The Great Boobie Hunt

There's a gap here. There's no other way to explain it. We were watching the paintjobs being applied and then later it was time to go out and find the parade we'd missed. It could be us getting our shit together at camp and then heading out. It could be people at the bathroom. Maybe a quick late lunch, or some waiting for others to get back. Perhaps shots at the Curvas Peligrosas Bar or someone telling a story or maybe a moment of chillbliss on the couch as we lay into the afternoon. But the boobies went and we didn't go. I'm really not sure what exactly went on during this time, just that we were around camp for a while doing stuff and then it was time to go. But of course we weren't ready.

After much rummaging and readying, we hopped onto our bikes. We were getting good at this by now. Knew how to put the foot in and launch the leg over at a running start to get moving down the dusty way. This was our neighborhood now. Burnished gold blazing down with a blue sky all around and the soft tan dust. Tents, cars, domes, flags structures all around strapped to cars and set with tentstaked ropes. You had cover the rebar. At night those metal prongs holding the tent down could cause a nasty fall. But in the day light of Friday afternoon the City was huge. I could feel it thumping in every direction. I knew the world out there, now. I'd see it a few different ways: the midnight glowstick firebreathing deepdark starrynight bicycle jam; the flying colors and wide wind of the crazy afternoons; lazy mornings; long dawns; sunsets. And sure we'd danced, but not nearly as much as we could have. There were so many domes of ridiculousness out there on the Esplanade it made me ashamed to spend any time in the camp. But the camp was fun.

I know I'm having a really good time whenever I have to choose between things I'm gonna love. Out on the playa it was a full-blown, windy wonderful Friday afternoon. Even in a timeless city like Black Rock there's something special about Friday afternoon. It's the practice run for the Burn night and everyone's got to bring their A-game. Critial Tits is today and we are on the fucking way!

Chaos ensues. The Esplanade is thick with uni-bi-tri-and multi cyles. Muffins on wheels ride by. A dude in a barkalounger blasts between us cackling. I'm certain I saw a bottle of Makers in his other hand. Where the loungelever usually lived was the throttle. A bus-sized space shuttled rolled by, proud. Lawnmower engines and gocarts were dressed to the nines and the whacked out operators buzzed through the crowd spitting up dust and mayhem. I wore my dustmask and goggles, of course. I never left the camp without either of them. Ever.

"Hey! There's an advice booth! Let's see if he knows where the parade went."

A dude in an elvis jumpsuit sat behind a simple booth and sign. Peanuts Lucy style. But his was free, not five cents. Even though he was already talking to someone, we politely interrupted to request some advice.

I wasn't a part of this. I did donuts with the red devil that was my bike as my friends asked the questions. That Friday afternoon my friends were: Lu my wife; Strobe my new friend from camp, Nell, his girlfriend and Billy their buddy. The five of us surrounded the Advice booth on our bikes and got some.

"That way," the dude pointed, towards two oclock. "The came up the four oclock spoke and took a right on the Esplanade towards two oclock. Go that way," he said to Strobe with a wink.

"Cool!" said Lu, "this way Bones!" and we were off.

They weren't up ahead but we heard they took a right back into the suburbs so we cut down that way and then went two blocks over riding hard through the afternoon. All five of us pedaling into the day as the sun's just really getting into the deep afternoon groove and I am perfect with the world. Lu has her bike back and we are good to go. It's amazing what a whole hell of a lot of water, a few puffs of the pipe, a beer here and there and then a whole mess of women parading through the day decorated gorgeously can do.

We take a left and then a right and we see a mess of people ahead.

"This way!" Billy calls out.

There's a crowd around the edge of the playadust road. Women are marching and riding and striding by. They are topless. They have applied paint to their mammary glands and everyone's really psyched about it. They are too. It just feels fun and happy and loose and true. Like tit's good for us. We're all grinning and cheering together as they march by proudly, their breasts cultivated and captured and caressed with pigments and shades, filled with light by the bright yellow sun above and the rapture of our collective goofy gaze. They deserve our hoots and shouts of joy. They revel. Half oogle half worship half protest half hope and happiness. It was just nice and funny and beautiful and loud. It was fun and edgy and easy. Once they all passed by the crowd began to disperse and follow on, so we grabbed our bikes to see where else tit went.

"There's an after-party," Nell said over her shoulder as we rode.

"Yeah that's right," Strobe agreed. "We should go check that out."

"Definitely," Billy agreed from behind the bandana covering his mouth. "Definitely."

Lu looked at me with a question and I gave a chucklenod. We both had little grins. And so we rode.

We couldn't find it. We tried to loop around ahead and then cut in from the side, but there was no party. Eventually we ended up back by the Advice Guy and he pointed us towards the two oclock edge of the camp. We dove back into the streets and spokes, turning, searching, looking all around. Finally we saw a few topless women.

"Follow the trail back!" I shouted and we aimed for where the women were coming from. Eventually we ended up just a few blocks away from Curvas.

"Figures it's right around the corner," Lu said to me as we rode up.

We parked our bikes and then walked up to the party area. There were people everywhere and tons of topless, painted, sweaty women. Bikes everywhere. Just mayhem in the dusty afternoon. We walked up to the entrance to the party and suddenly we were stopped. The girls and Strobe all turned around and we followed them out of the crowd.

"They said we can't get in," Nell told us. "Well, I mean you guys can't get in. We can, you can't."

"What?" I asked. "What the fuck?"

"Yeah it's only for guys that have volunteered," Lu told us, looking up from her eyes.

"They said the volunteer list was filled months ago," Nell finished.

"The volunteer list for guys, for the Critital Tits after-party? It filled up months ago?" Billy asked, amazed.

The girls just nodded. We stood there dumbfounded in the dust.

17: Overflow

"We got the overflow!" Brian said to me. There was glee in his eyes.

"Wha? What do you mean?"

"That's why all the gorgeous chicks are over here!"

"Overflow from what?"

"Critical Tits, man!" he said and breast-shaped lightbulbs flashed in my brain.

"So that's why there's all the boob painting going on over here!" I finally figured out.

"Exactly! They're having the boob painting going on over there, but the chicks they got tired of getting oogled, so they came over here where it was all chill and relaxed."

And it was. Breezy and nice with chilldub just oozing from the speakers as a comfy, friendly vibe tickled it's way under the shade tents. Darren was at the bar handing out beers with a wide grin affixed to his face. There were four women on one couch, paired up with one painting the other. Another six were packed onto the other couch and there were a few women on the futon swirling paint around the curvaceous mounds of other proud, gorgeous females. I just kicked back by the moving truck watching it all jiggle by. Lu was digging it too.

"Oh that looks great," she said to me and almost pointed before catching herself. "Her with the blue flames. I like that."

"I think she's getting dolphins put on her's," I replied, nodding discretely towards the bar. Everywhere around us boobs were being painted. It was hot, funny, freaky fun. I couldn't really look anywhere without getting goofy. That's just what they do! But I was cool. So cool. Lu was getting a little frisky though. I saw the camera in her hands. It was itching to be used.

"Do you think..."

"No way. You can't!"

"Why not?"

"Lu, you just can't. You can't go walking up to these women and just take pictures of their boobs while they're sitting there getting them painted!"

"I know but they all just look so good!"

"Of course they do! But come on!"

"What about from here. They won't even know."

"You know how it has to go. If you want to take pictures of them you have to get your boobs painted, too."

"I know. Should I?"

"If you want to. It won't bother me."

"I know, but I just don't feel like it right now."

"You have great tits."

"Aw, you're sweet. I know, that, too. My sister's told me that for years."

"So go ahead."

"Naw, not today. I'll just take general pictures. They won't even know."

"Do what you want. I'm just gonna smoke a bowl and take it allll in!"

Then a new campfriend strolled up. It was Lilly. She was cool. In a world where everyone I know is totally cool with smoking weed, there's only a few of us that are committed truly committed to the plant. Lilly was one of them. We'd bonded over bud in the last few days. She had a tin I knew I could dip into if I wanted a quick hit. We had a spot on the truck where we'd tuck in the bowl and lighter. Lu would sometimes join us, but pot made her tired and the heat of the day and the length of each night was more than enough to tire anyone out. She didn't need help. I could smoke throughout the day and still tread the deep paths of the night. So could Lilly.

"No boob painting for you?" I asked her.

"Not so much. I'm sure you could get in on the action if you want, you know."

"Yeah, I'm cool. Just watching it all happen is good enough for me."

"There are some really amazing breasts here today."

"Good paintjobs, too."

"Definitely," Lilly replied with smoke on her syllables.

"Looks like we got the overflow," I told her.

"Whatcha mean?"

"All the hot chicks. They came over here where it was all chill and relaxed 'cause they got tired of getting stared at by the crowd over there," I told her.

Then she looked me in the eyes as she handed me the bowl and she asked me, "So what are we doing, then?" And I laughed.

Another woman approached us. "What do you think?" she asked me as I stood there under the shade, on top of the carpet, just in front of the moving truck. To my right was a mirror. It was a happy, happy mirror, and I was a happy, happy man.

"They look great," I told the young woman. Her breasts were each red, with dark, swirled spots in the middle and a yellow, vibrant borders. "Maybe a little pink in the middle would bring it all together." It was my first artboob critique, and I felt I'd been done a good job. Helpful, interested, objective, complimentary. There were so many ways to help when the tits have gone crititcal and the paints are out.

Slowly, pair by pair they trickled out into the day and then as a whole group they were gone.

"We should go find them," Strobe said to me. He was a new friend, too, like Lilly. They knew each other. Strobe was a cousin of Matt and both of them were friends with J-Bird and Darren. Matt's girlfriend and Ellen and Billy and Dougie were all friends, and Dougie was dating Denise who was friends with all of them, too. There was Snowball and her boyfriend. A crew from Tahoe. N-dawg the musician man with a sister kicking it with us and some of her friends, too. The connections just kept on pulling though. I was never sure how the person I was talking to was connected to the people I already knew. It was fun and edgy. And now Stobe and his girlfriend Nell wanted to go follow the boobies and find the post parade party. There was no point in dissuading him 'cause that exactly what Lu and I wanted to do, too!

16: Essentials

Water was essential. Water was life. Water made the day cool and the night long. Water kept us sane. Not once all week did I have a hangover. And every time I went to the pisser, I walked out thinking the same thing: excellent, clear and abundant, again. It may be more than you wanted to hear about, but the fact is, water was the fundamental thing that made Burning Man possible. And you can't spell fundamental without fun. Whereas usually my wife is the Water Police, this week it was I who made sure she was hydrated, I was hydrated, and the people around us were hydrated. Over and over again I asked G if he was thirsty. More often than not he refused my offer of H-2-O. And that's why, more often than not, each morning he woke up with a headache. I definitely drank more beer than him, but I also definitely drank gallons more water than he did, and it served me well.

Food was sorta tough for us. We brought a lot off options because we weren't sure what we'd feel like eating out in that environment. The hard boiled eggs and the Tasty Bites meals turned out to be the best decisions. We'd leave the Tasty Bites out on our dashboard all day, and by the evening they'd be nice and warm, just right for dinner. Sandwiches and bread just didn't appeal to us out there in the heat. The afternoons we mostly snacked on whatever delicious plate someone was passing around. Fruit, cheese, crackers, thick slices of steak, marinated chicken, sausages, plates of deliciousness were passed around camp all afternoon, every day. The guacamole Lu and I made, using at least fifteen avocados, was devoured rapidly. These people had come prepared, and their good choices helped us to eat well. Lu had hot, tofuy vegetable soup that just hit her in the right spot. She didn't eat a whole lot. I certainly didn't feast, but I made sure I made myself full at least once a day.

It turned out that getting enough salt was huge, too. After all, sweat is salty and you have to replace it. Beef jerky was the solution for me. I ate more beef jerky those five days then I ever have in my life, combined. I've just never been a jerky guy. Out there I craved it. I could feel the salt flooding my body and straightening me out. But the Turkey Jerky from Trader Joe's just didn't cut it. I needed good ole'fashioned shoesole leathery chunks of grade-A american beef jerky. And I had floss, too. The only one with it, and it was as well shared as the food everyone provided.

Beer was essential, at least for me. I brought 2 and a half cases of good beer and 2 thirty packs of Tecate. After all, it was was camp Curvas Peligrosas. Tecate seemed appropriate. And Corona made up one case of the bottles, while Sierra Nevada Pale Ale was the rest of it. Lu brought three bottles of potato Vodka from Trader Joe's. Soda water, Mango Lemonade and a bit of Monster energy drink was the mix sloshing around in her Nalgene all week. It was enough for each of us to have and share readily. We didn't even crack into the last 30 pack, but having it ready felt good.

Bikes. Bikes were everything. Bikes made Black Rock City go 'round. I've fallen in love with biking since that week. I loved riding bikes with my friends when I was young, in the streets of suburbia. If Burning Man has only given back to me the wheeling, wonderful freedom of life balanced on two wheels, I will be forever grateful. But already I can feel so much more.

Flexibility, resilience, humor and tolerance were the four most valuable traits I saw in others, and were what I tried to maintain throughout the experience. Things are constantly in flux, blown hard by the wind and opened wide by the expansive possibilities. An agenda is basically a bullet point reference to the things that didn't work, couldn't be found or got fucked up somehow. Much better to flow with world and find everything in it's own time. It was good to have goals and plans and ideas, of course, but being tied to any of them with rigid focus only made us miss the good things happening all around. The elements were harsh and you had to be able to push on through and make it work. Wet naps made physical resilience a littler cleaner. Mental resilience required water, food, and well-paced partying. Humor and tolerance are a part of that, too. You're going to see stuff and hear stuff and find stuff you don't get or don't want or don't agree with. So you walk on, unless it bothers you so much you have to say something, and then you should. Disagreement is fine. Violence isn't. Luckily we didn't see anything of that sort, either art so offensive as to elicit comment, nor any random fights. Although, later on I did hear there was a Fight Club at Burning Man. I'm glad I was no where near it, if it is true.

Friends made the trip what it was. It was fantastic to meet new friends out there on the playa. But sharing another adventure with old friends you'd explored other cities with, all over America, well it was extra special. I thought of so many other old friends I knew would love so much about Burning Man, too.

Flashlights, extra batteries, bandanas, dustmasks, goggles, sunglasses, a shade hat, water bottles, coolers, gas for the car, one foot long rebar tentstakes to hammer into the playa, a hammer! Jumper cables. A solarbag. 2x4s and wood pallets to build a shower. Shade tents. Turntables, mixer, cables, speakers. Big ones. Tequila. Couches. A grill. Coolers and fresh ice. Bungie cords. Warm socks. The air mattress was essential. More blankets would have been nice. A warm hat. The bike rack. Our Crocs. They should issue them at the gate of Black Rock City. Costumes. Tit paint. Rock and roll was essential, and I made sure some of it got pumped through those camp speakers at one point or another.

Most of all, it was essential that we put all those things together as effortlessly as possible and roll through the day and night with our eyes wide open, our lungs full of laughter and our bellies full of water or beer or festivus or whatever and that at the end of each day we take the slowing of our bodies to heart, and we lay on the airmattress in the star-filled dark, and we sleep, and we dream and then again, we wake up thirsty.

I felt connected to the natural rhythms of my body. I felt the power of the earth and elements. Lu and I flourished by listening to and helping one another. New friendships and new experiences with old friends made my soul feel brighter, energized, enhanced as only a community of people all working together towards the same goal can.

Imagination is essential. Love is essential. And I'm not sure which comes first, the love or everything else I've already mentioned, but over the years and I've found that if you have all of this, you know love well, and that if you're one that knows much about love, you have all of this already.

A touch of insanity doesn't hurt, either, out there. In many ways, going to the desert to play is certainly about losing it. And together, out there, all of us were losing it or something just a little bit. Like the heat that was impossible to resist, you just had to stay cool.

I thought about all of this as Lu and I rode back from center camp. We were borrowing a bike so we didn't want to be out all day.

We rounded the corner of 4:30 oclock and Gestalt and neither of us had to pee. But down the dusty street, fairly close to where Curvas Peligrosas lay, a vast horde of people had gathered.

We pedaled closer. "What the fuck's going on?" I said aloud.

I pulled up inside our camp marveling at the crowd gathered around the camp across the street from ours. I parked my bike against our car, right in front of our tent. Lu leaned her's up against the back bumper. We looked quizically at one another and then moved into the hangout dancefloor area of Curvas Peligrosas, and there on the couches sat women with brushes in their hands, dipping them into little jars of paint, and gently, gently, gently painting round the nipples and the breasts and the areolas of a variety of rather gorgeous women. Standing on the carpet of our camp, I tried to pretend I wasn't totally amazed.

Breasts are essential. Sex is essential. Love and lust and painted boobies in the sun are essential to making sure Burning Man strides to the edge of what you expect. I didn't expect to find this in our camp today. I didn't expect to wake up grumpy. But since both of those things did happen, I'm thrilled they happened to happen on the same day. After all, timing is essential, too.

15: Gripped by the Grump

Friday brought some challenges. It was the only day besides Burn night that things didn't go perfectly. In the end, tit all worked out, though.

We were chilling out at camp in the mid-morning, munching on breakfast and starting to think about the day when a friend of a friend asked if she could borrow someone's bike. Being the nice person that she is, Lu offered her's. And of course, as everyone knows, no good deed goes unpunished.

I was a little grumpy waking up on Friday morning. We'd rolled back to camp around two or three, totally drained from the day and evening and trip. After the Thunderdome we rode around a lot more, all the way back to the Fringe camp where we heard Blvd. play, and boy was it great to hear some live music. I can do the dj-techo-house-dub dancing as well as the next guy, but it's really not my thing. I like drums played side by side with guitars, basses and sick keyboards. I like rock'n roll and that was scarce at Burning Man. Friday morning waking up I mentioned that to Lu, and how if I had to hear any more dub I was going to flip out, and even as my words hung in the hot tent air, the speakers out in camp began to pump softly with the beats I'd begun to dread. And I was parched. As thirsty and dusty and drained as I'd ever been. The tent was opressive so we struggled out to where the day was even hotter.

Water, breakfast, shade. I was irritable, though and wasn't getting into the whole swing of things the way I wanted to. Just feel it, be grumpy, let it pass through and then let it go, I thought, but Lu offering her bike up got me worried. She offered so quickly and then the girl was gone before any real discussion about where, why and when that I just knew trouble was coming. A hour later when we were finally ready to leave my worst fears were realized.

"She's not coming back," I told Lu as we wrangled with this problem of no transportation. We had high hopes that Friday was going to be the day to go out, see it all and take awesome pictures. Now it looked like we'd be lucky to have even a couple of hours to explore if we had to sit around waiting for her to come back with the bike.

"I thought she was just going to the bathroom," Lu replied.

"I know. But you should have asked her or something. You just gave her the bike without saying anything! Your most important possession out here besides water, and you have no idea where she went, when she'll be back. I mean what if she leaves it and it gets stolen? I understand being nice and all, but you gotta think about who you're handing your bike off to, and what they planned on doing with it!"

"I know. I'm sorry."

"I know you are. And I'm sorry that I'm mad but fuckin'a I'm pissed off!"

But of course there were solutions. We could have walked, but that would have severely limited our exploration options. Although it would have been better than doing nothing at all. We could have hopped on an artcar, but that really never even crossed our mind. Eventually after talking to a few people about our issue, Darren offered to let us borrow his bike. Perfect! Of course, it was I who had to ride the onespeed dirtbike because it was too big for Lu, while she could fit on my bike, barely. So we rode, but the grump still gripped me.

I am a creature tied deeply to my emotions. Although I think carefully about so many aspects of life, the fact is, I am often at the mercy of the raging chemicals and hormones that power the vast array of emotions within us. Everyone is, I believe, but it seems that often, I don't hide it very well. On the other hand, by feeling it, but experiencing it, by talking about how I feel and yelling when I'm made and laughing loud when I'm happy and crying when I'm sad, at my core I feel clean and happy and balanced. I don't swallow bitterness, I bitch. I don't supress rage, I flail and rail and stamp around. And when I'm psyched and happy and having fun, you better be on board or out of the way 'cause sometimes I get a little bull-in-the-china shopish, as is my wont as a Taurus. So finally out on Darren's bike, I pedaled pissed.

The sun was fucking hot. The dust had my nose a bloody mess every time I blew it. Backpedaling on the bike brought me to a sudden halt so I knew not to do that anymore.

"So what do you want to do?" Lu asked me. "How can I make this day go alright? I can't change the fact that I let her use the bike, but we're out now so can we just try and have some fun? What do you want me to do?"

"Get me drunk," I bit back bitterly, and I hated myself for it. I didn't want to be mad, but I was pissed! The rational part of me knew I was being stupid, but there was nothing I could do to make the emotional part of me stop it. And I guess I kinda liked it. Sometimes it just feels good to be pissed off, to be not taking shit, to be calling out the world on it's stupidity and assholery and foolishness. "I mean who does that!?" I demanded. "Who borrows someone's bike for the whole fucking day? Did she think we weren't going to need it at one point or another? Couldn't she consider that maybe borrowing didn't mean all day? Does she think it's her's for the night, too? I mean, come ON! What the fuck!?"

"She just didn't realize, I'm sure. I didn't say I needed it back or anything, so maybe she just doesn't realize how long she's been away."

"Well she's been away too long and it fucking sucks." Ah, melodrama. I knew I was taking it to well past where it needed to go, but I wanted to vent and this was the only way to do it.

We got to center camp and it was our first time checking it out. Centercamp was at 6 oclock, right in the middle of the Esplanade's arc. It was, in fact, right behind the Colossus, which was the three-armed rope and rock structured that we'd turned and swung on the night before. It was just as large, unusual and imposing in the daylight as it had been the night before. We rode past it towards the large main tent.

Inside was busy. A large group of people were doing some kind of weird chant in the middle of the tent. Half would chant "Hoo!" and the other would respond with "Haa!" and as they did it, they'd raise their arms and toss out their fingers like they were flicking the sound at one another. There was glee and bliss on many faces. What the fuck is this shit? was all I could think. Around the edges of the tent in various work areas were people giving massages and doing body manipulation and yoga. Fucking hippies. Their New Age life-force cosmic connection seriousness almost made me puke. I went to sit down, but someone stepped up onto the seat to see just as I was getting there. I stopped and then glowered and then continued on. But Lu wasn't behind me, she had stopped somewhere and was taking a picture. "Where the fuckisshe?" I muttered. Finally she caught up and we moved on through the center camp throng. And it was a throng but there were some only wearing thongs and other naked guys here and there. A guy who's clothes were covered with candies that people picked from eagerly, but to me he was just in my way causing a crowd as I tried to get by. Then the weird guy who wanted to chat with me. Then the guy complaining about the heat. Then irritation from within that I didn't know what I wanted to do next, how to get rid of this terrible mood and what I was going to if that girl didn't bring Lu's bike back before the fun of Friday night. And there were two things for sale at center camp: ice and coffee. I wanted to get some of each 'cause camp needed ice and I needed coffee, but the lines for both were so damn long I just said fuckit.

Sitting there in the shade, though, Lu and I finally just talked it all out, I vented, she listened, she responded, I listened, then we did the only thing we could think of to try and put it behind and that was laughter. I tried on silliness. She used irony and exaggeration. Little smiles glimmered on our faces, then with gentle coaxing by her and deep breathes from me, I felt the stupid anger finally start to lift away. I was guzzling water by this point, too, and that made a huge difference, I'm sure. They said on the web page that if you started to get irritable, that you weren't drinking enough water. I had started guzzling as we left the camp and had been doing it steadily since, and I'm certain the re-hydration was essential to my mood improvement. I had always known that water was important, but in the last few days out there in the desert that point was driven home quite thoroughly.